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We’ve all been there. We send out a text without really knowing what to text a girl only to receive nothing back in return.
Crickets.
So, what should you text a girl and when?
1. First-Time Dating Site/App Messaging: Get short and specific.
2. She Gives You Her Number: Pique her attention within 48 hours.
3. After The First Date: Pick a funny moment that happened.
4. Date #2 And Beyond: Switch to being witty and succinct.
Texting can certainly help facilitate our dating game, but it can also come to our detriment if we’re not careful. If you take only one thing away from this entire article about what to text a girl, take this: Less is More.
Texting is very much like emailing in the sense that it lacks any sort of tone or context. That’s where the art of crafting great text messages can really help you stand out of crowd of guys that are just begging for her attention.
Witty and succinct is what you’re going for each and every time you click “Send.”
Here are four common scenarios we all face and suggestions on what to text a girl in each of them:
1. First-Time Dating Site/App Messaging
As a writer, I’ve been fortunate enough for my brain to have an endless supply of openers in every situation imaginable.
I used to test openers out when I was using eHarmony constantly. I’d try them on girls I was somewhat attracted to first to see if I they’d have any success.
Whatever got me the best responses I would then use on the girls I was most attracted to to open up the conversation.
One way I realized men fail miserably at doing on these dating sites is not reading her profile in detail! Don’t just look at her photos.
But the real meat is in how she presents herself through her words.
We’ll write her a message with something bland like “Hey.” Or we’ll compliment her on one of her physical attributes.
When it comes to what to text a girl or message her for a first point of contact, these two methods will get you to nowheresville…
Instead, get specific. She’ll like the fact you put in the effort unlike those other lazy guys pinging her. Something like “Omg you’re into salsa dancing too? We should Cumbia sometime…”
(Yes, I had to look up a basic salsa step on Google to get specific for the example. Your research 9 times out of 10 will typically be rewarded)
2. She Gives You Her Number
Great! You got her number! A lot of us in this situation will be like “Now what??” after the excitement subsides.
The first text is important because it frames a majority of our communication with her moving forward. That’s because most people text rather than talk on the phone nowadays.
There’s no illusion that texting can be an unforgiving process. Let’s face it, sometimes we will never hear back from her…
This is the hardest situation of any texting scenario to convert her interest into a first date. The reason is that there is little investment in you at this point. She could easily ignore you if she’s not feeling the vibe when you reach out.
Here are a few fun text openers: “Sooo we’re hangin’ out tonight, in case you didn’t know.” “In the mood to have some fun? Type “Y” for YES.” “We should probably hang out soon.” Just a few examples if you’re unsure what to text a girl.
Make sure whatever you text her is done within 48 hours of getting her number.
If you’ve done a good job of building rapport with her and making yourself stand out from the crowd before getting her digits (which I will cover how to do in another article), the first text should be fairly easy to execute and get you the first date.
READ my review of David Deangelo Cocky Comedy to discover how to never run out of fun things to say to her
3. After The First Date
When our mind is totally baffled about what to text a girl, you want to keep in mind how things were left the last time you two communicated with each other.
Was there anything interesting about that interaction? If so, you could open with recalling that moment by asking a specific question to bring her right back to that moment, so long as it was a positive one.
If things were left on a “not-so-specific” note, you can always use a situational opener. This is where you text her about something that just happened or you’re currently experiencing as you text her.
As long as that experience aligns with something you two discussed or experienced at some point and isn’t totally random, it will work much better.
Here’s an example: “Sooo I just had another bartender card me and tell me I look really young… Do I look like I’m 12??”
Please don’t text her “Hey” or “What’s up” by itself for the first text exchange. Be creative.
4. Date #2 And Beyond
By this point, our confidence in what to text a girl, particularly the one you’ve now had a couple of dates with, should be quite high.
With each date, feel free to step up the texting frequency a little bit more. It’s a good idea to gauge when to text and how to text based on the feedback you’re getting from her through her own text messages.
As long as you’re not glued to our phone waiting for her every response, the texting will progress naturally. Keep it light and fun and no big clunky long paragraphs either… Remember, witty and succinct.
Everlasting Inspiration For What To Text A Girl
Wait for a day to to come around when our feeling fresh and inspired. Pull out a notepad and pen. Write out 20 possible texts to girls that playfully reflect our personality.
The key here is to not judge what you’re writing. Just write.
Pick out your Top 10 from the list. Save those 10 texts somewhere on your phone. The next time you’re in a situation where you want to text a girl, pull out this list and choose one.
Thanks for these tips Ryan. It’s so true, a guy who takes note of details and not just the girls face is a keeper. Also if a guy gets your number and does not text you within the next 48 hours, he is definitely not serious about you. Ryan do you have a post on what to text a boy? Do girls have to be witty and succinct as well?
Hi Juliet!
Such a timely comment! YES, I literally just finished an article dedicated to What Should I Text Him! With boys, go BOLD! Would love to hear your thoughts on it 🙂 -R
Wow some great tips. People are so busy socializing through media as well some are even dating online, that they have forgotten how to date physically. Nice that you are providing this advice.
I have a couple of boys who could definitely use this advice, as it’s a skill which is kind of being forgotten. Keep writing these types of articles and you’ll be known as an online hitch (lol), which a lot of ladies will thank you for.
Online Hitch, I love it!
And thank you for calling out that we need to be mindful of our online dating game versus our physicality when out on an actual date. And I’ll keep writing more if you keep reading lol 🙂
Thanks, Jag! -R
This is some great advice on texting. I appreciated that you specified to text the girl within 48 hours of getting her number. I think the “3 day rule” which used to be the thing awhile ago (more than a decade?) isn’t very good in this day and age when things move a little faster and we are all a little more impatient. Anyway, great texting tips–I’m sure they will help a guy out!
Hey Holly!
Yes, the Three-Day Rule is 100% out! If guys are waiting three days to reach out to a woman, they’re going to have a tough time finding a date! Thanks for pointing that out! 🙂 -R
Hello and thanks for sharing this post which gives me tips on what to text a girl, stating 4 situations and what to do. I must say, I really get short of words whenever I’m interacting with a lady verbally or via chatting. At least to some extent I had been enlighten by this post. It’s really terrible being ignored by a lady.
Hi Vwegba!
Yes, and actually, having too little to say to her when you’re nervous talking to her can sometimes be much better than having too much to say…I’m definitely guilty of rambling on and on when I was nervous around girls back in the day and it just killed my chances. Cool, calm and collected is the name of the game when you’re around her.
Cheers and thanks! -R
Hi
As a female, I was fascinated to read your post, and I think you’ve got it spot on, particularly where you say less is more!
I think that my son could definitely benefit from your advice, and I will be passing your site address on to him.
One thing I really dislike though, is when someone “dumps” their boy/girlfriend by text when they have been together for a while – that is just cowardice don’t you think?
I also just checked out your post on “What should I text him?”, which is full of great advice for any girl.
Thank you so much for creating such a helpful site to give the advice we all need at one time or another.
Chrissie 🙂
You’re so welcome, Chrissie! Thanks for these wonderful compliments!
The fact that you would even consider passing my blog on to your son for dating advice makes my day! I wanted to put out authentic, practical advice that would really help people who may be stuck in their game, so thank you so much for this 🙂 And I agree, don’t be a coward and dump your boyfriend or girlfriend over text! Be respectful and let them know in person, 100%.
Be well! -R
I really like how this article, everything explained thoroughly. I am going to be honest, I am not a lady killer, I think I look decent, but I just can’t seem to seal the deal.
Hopefully I can learn a few tricks here and there from this article and be able to imply it in real life. I got one more question though, what if she already has a boyfriend, will this still work? I know this sounds douchy, but I can’t help it if I feel attracted!
Hey Isaac!
I’d definitely be careful being too friendly around a woman whom you know already has a boyfriend. I’d say just keep the conversation light and fun, almost to the point of being flirtatious, but pull back right before it goes there. That way, if she ever leaves him, you’ll just be a cool guy she’s gotten to know and then it’s fair game from there, feel me?
Have a great day! -R