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If you're seeing signs a relationship is over, the truth is it's probably been on life support now for weeks or even months.
What are the signs your relationship is over with her?
1. Everything You Say Causes A Fight.
2. Terms Of Endearment Are Gone.
3. Future Talk Is A Thing Of The Past.
4. The Kiss Has Lost Its Fizzle.
5. She Pulls Back When You Touch Her.
6. She Has Zero Tolerance For Your Quirks.
7. She Stays Out Regularly.
8. She No Longer Brings Big Decisions/News To You
9. Date Night Is Done.
Now's the time to be dead honest with yourself…
What are you really seeing behind those eyes of hers? Do they still contain that warmth and joy or are they glazed over with every word you speak?
I'll admit, this will be a tough article to write today, because I ignored the truths about my relationship with my ex for months before she pulled the plug…
If you're anything like me, you want to get to the truth about every situation sooner rather than later.
Just a warning: this particular truth is painful…
But if you don't deal with the reality now, that truth will slice you in half down the road. Please don't wait.
If you're reading this now, you're seeking an answer.
Here are, in detail, the above nine signs a relationship is over:
1. Everything You Say Causes A Fight
An occasional verbal spat with your partner here and there is perfectly fine. It's healthy, in fact.
But when your voices are raising with each other on a regular basis, this should be cause for concern.
The big thing here is examining whether harmless or bland topics are now generating heated battles.
Is she upset you're bringing up your weekend plans with her? Weather talk got her on edge?
These are just a couple of examples, of course. But hopefully you get the idea.
Serious talks about moving in, marriage or even children will always create a certain degree of friction.
It's the easier topics I'm talking about.
Don't do what I did when this happened: walked away and avoided conflict. Be an adult and call out the tension.
This route will allow a space for the two of you to open up about your problems. If she shuts down, try again at a calmer time. At least you tried.
In the end, you'll be thankful to yourself that you put in that effort when you had the chance.
2. Terms of Endearment Are Gone
No more “honey,””baby,””sweetie”or “pumpkin cakes?”
I'm not a fan of terms of endearment, nor is my wife, but many people use them regularly with one another.
If that's the case for you and your partner, and then they suddenly vanish…something might be turning sour.
I have this little theory about women and confrontation: I think they secretly appreciate it.
Why? I'll put it this way. If you were to confront your girlfriend about why she isn't calling you “baby” anymore, you're communicating to her conscious and subconscious “self” simultaneously.
You're telling her “Hey, I'm aware enough to know something's wrong” (conscious) and “I'm strong-willed enough to be accountable for any wrongdoing on my end, so we should talk through this” (subconscious).
Now, let me be clear. I'm not talking about being aggressive with her or screaming at her when I say confrontation.
I'm simply suggesting you start a calm dialogue with her about things you notice *changing* in your relationship.
There's plenty of empirical evidence in my life to suggest a woman finds a man's self-awareness very sexy.
3. Future Talk Is A Thing Of The Past
Healthy relationships maintain a balance of keeping past, present and future in perspective.
If you're not discussing future plans on any level anymore… somebody call the Love Doctor!
When I say “future,” this could be something as simple as what you two are doing this weekend.
Zero regard for future planning = LAZINESS
Relationships take work to maintain from both parties. If one is shunning their responsibilities, why is that even remotely fair to the other person? Simple: it's not.
If your girl is all of a sudden becoming lazy in this department, add that to your signs a relationship is over.
4. The Kiss Has Lost Its Fizzle
When the spark has disappeared in a relationship, the kiss will usually tell you everything you need to know.
Feel like the kiss has become a one-way thing? Are you compensating for her lack of effort physically and emotionally?
If you take one thing away from this article, make it this: maintain yourself.
What do I mean by this?
It's easy for people to lose themselves in relationships. A person's self-identity becomes codependent on their partner's well-being.
We can easily walk around with blinders on in a sense. Especially when a kiss from our girlfriend has gone from HOT DAMN to “What happened, ma'am?”
Embrace the signs. Don't blame yourself if things go stale.
Know you'll find that magic again somewhere in the future.
5. She Pulls Back When You Touch Her
There are certain signs a relationship is over that almost smack you in the face.
They're so obvious, it's embarrassing looking back. There came a point with my ex where she would literally shudder when I'd touch her…
Yes, she would literally convulse for a moment if I touched her on the shoulder or tried to hug her…
Men have this innate ability to write off odd moments in their brains without a second thought.
This is a beat where I screwed up…
If there is any part of you that senses her retreating from you or that she's almost repulsed by your presence, it may be over.
If she doesn't call out her issues with you, she may pin it on an excuse. Don't hold this against her.
Excuses are just easier to deal with in the short-term for anybody.
6. She Has Zero Tolerance For Your Quirks
Got an annoying habit she used to put up with or look past? Constant annoyance is another one of those huge signs it may be over.
When I was 17, I had my uvula cut out. It's that flappy piece of skin that hangs in the back of your throat.
A sleep doctor removed it because it was growing so long in my sleep it was nearly choking me and creating severally loud snoring.
As a result of the surgery, I tend to snort in my sleep…or randomly during the day. It's definitely one of my quirks.
One day, I picked her up from work. Within minutes, I snorted. Naturally, I couldn't help myself.
Consequently, she turned to me in disgust and said “Ugh! Why do you always do that THING?! It's terrible!”
Well, I had never had that reaction before…
Nearly every snort after that, she would sneer, she would stiffen or have some other negative reaction.
It doesn't matter what the quirk is. When it's close to the end, she won't hide it from you (or find it endearing) any longer.
7. She Stays Out Late Regularly
Now, hopefully she's just out with her friends. I'm not a conspiracy theorist. And I don't want to create paranoia…
But there could be another guy in the picture. There just isn't anything far-fetched about that.
If she's staying out late, either she's working hard at her job, or she'd rather avoid you than confront you about her unhappiness.
As a result, this is particularly crappy for the guy, because he usually won't get any closure from her, which can cause longer-lasting pain.
It's almost like a little game where you're meant to figure it all out on your own.
I digress…
Some red flags the relationship is cooked aren't black and white. Her being out late may have nothing to do with you.
Next time, insist on going out with her so you can do something fun together.
If she's making up excuses, call her out calmly and just say you're trying to set up date night.
READ My Wife Is Cheating to gain insight on what to do if you think she's having an affair >>
8. She No Longer Brings Big Decisions/News To You
There's something that happens when you're no longer first in her life.
You become the last to know everything…
Within the last two weeks of my relationship with my ex, she got a new job… and didn't tell me about it!
I found out from her best friend by accident. “[She] had been talking about it for a while. She didn't tell you?”
Oh, the pain the signs a relationship is over brings…
When I confronted my ex, she said dismissively, “It's fine. I got a new job. People get them every day…”
I see, it's fine. Everything's just fiiiiiiine. Okay…
If a woman ever tells you something's “fine,” things are far from fine, my friends.
Just ask a woman about the word “fine.” They'll tell you.
“Fine” means you've done some wrong somewhere and you probably should address it quickly…
9. Date Night Is Done
She might as well be holding a neon sign that says “It's over, pal.”
You may be sensing a tinge of resentment in my tone here. I want to be clear: I'm no longer resentful or blame my ex for breaking it off.
Moreover, in order for me to recall these events for the purposes of helping you discover painful things you might be experiencing, it's required me to call up some of those *old* feelings of anger and despair.
I'm not a robot. It's just my human nature.
Your decision to reconcile your differences with your partner may lead you to the same result. She may still break it off or maybe you end up doing so.
In short, just understand that you are honoring yourself (and to a certain degree her) by addressing the “elephant in the room” head on.
Therefore, if date nights can no longer be scheduled and the signs a relationship is over are stacking up, honor yourself and your time.
Trust me, no one else will do it for you.
See The Signs A Relationship Is Over Beforehand
Awareness, awareness, awareness!
If things are no longer going to work out with her, recognize it early on.
I'm not saying just break up with her before she breaks up with you, because that would be childish.
To sum up, what I'm saying is be an alert, aware adult and make a mature adult decision to end it.
Not only will she respect your decision, she'll respect you for making it. Nevertheless, you've taken the burden off of her and put it squarely on your shoulders.
In the short-term, there will be pain, but not nearly as much as if you had no control over the decision. You'll be much better and stronger in the long-term.
Thanks for this wonderful post! I didn’t know I could come across a post like this that has a lot to do with relationships and signs a relationship is over. Currently, I’m passing through something that was mentioned in this post and it touched me deep down inside.
It’s about my current relationship that’s already having some signs as red in this post such as not planning about the future anymore, having quarrel all the time over meaningless issues, and all of that. It’s not been easy with my relationship for the past few months now despite the fact that two children are involved. All I’ve been considering is the welfare of those children. Thanks for this awesome and helpful post!
Israel Olatunji
I’m sorry to hear you might be experiencing a rough patch in your current relationship, Israel.
Especially with kids involved, it might make sense to sit down with your partner on an afternoon with little activity scheduled and have a sane, rational discussion about the things you both feel may not be working. My guess is you might already have a sense of what she might say in that discussion and that’s great to have that foresight, if that exists.
If you can be the one to set the right tone for that discussion, I think you’ll find in the long run, it will be very constructive and healing for you both moving forward.
Good luck and let your words come naturally to you 🙂 -R
As a lady, I would say all the points you have mentioned are spot on! As painful as it is, surely it is better to get out early rather than dragging on.
Just curious, when you said ‘lazy’, I suppose you mean lazy in terms of maintaining the relationship, and not the general laziness?
Love having this female perspective from you, Grace! Thanks for jumping in on this thread!
And yes, 100%, when I say “laziness” I’m simply pointing out the lack of maintenance in a relationship and nothing beyond that. Glad these points resonated with you! -R
Very useful Ryan! something every man has to keep in mind. If not because you are living one of these situation, because you can act to avoid them. These are situations that occur when something is not well cured in the relation: having that in mind help not to forget to put attention to them. It can happen to everyone in every moment nobody is safe from that! Thanks for warning!
Well said, Miche!
I think the main idea here is awareness. The quicker you can catch things “heading south” in a relationship, the quicker you can implement proper communication to address negative issues. It’s when we neglect our partners’ feedback, which humans constantly give whether it’s verbal or non-verbal, that we run into problems.
Cheers! -R
Hi Ryan, very interesting article about ending relationships. Luckily I didn`t recognize all those facts in my relationship 😉 but I need to admit that you really got the point. This list of 9 facts which is showing the end of relationship is a pure true. I like your article and I`m sure somebody will find it helpful, thanks for sharing with us!
In truth, someone in the relationship must end things when they’re clearly unhappy and dissatisfied. I’d like to clarify that I not trying to ascribe blame to women solely for not ending things. Far from it. This responsibility rests on all of our shoulders to do the right thing.
I also recognize that being the person to end things does not make things any easier for that person walking away. I sensed this from my ex via email 1.5 years after we broke up. It wasn’t an easy thing for her to do.
Good to see you again in the thread, Luke! -R
I think relationships are not for everybody. Relationship requires commitment , tolerance, and acceptance. We are unique in our own way. Finding that perfect chemistry is not easy. People should get to know each other extremely well before engaging in a relationship. Things get even ugly if children are involved. They needlessly suffer from the problems of adults. People should think carefully before starting a relationship
Ahh so true about the suffering children can go through as a product of divorce or separation. My folks split when I was five and it certainly hurt in ways, but I feel it also bolstered my emotional intelligence by a factor of 10+.
I tend to lean toward the old adage “better to have love and lost than to have not loved at all.” Even with heart-break in my life, the chance at a real, loving relationship is always worth it 😉
Thanks Pardeap! -R
I understand what yu are saying and I used to agree to it all before. Except, I no longer do. Not completely. I believe no matter what the signs are, a relationship may always be fixed. Your signs are good for liketeenagers who don’t have full knowledge of life though.
Hmm interesting. I’ll push back and suggest to you the signs are universal and apply to teenagers and adults alike, because at the end of the day, we’re talking about human behavior. Human behavior has no prerequisite of “full knowledge of life.” I feel that’s where I’m getting lost with your point.
Where I do agree with you is that it is possible things can get fixed. It happens every day. But the signs we give when we’re emotionally detached from our partners will always remain the same and be there forever.
Thanks for bringing this opinion to the fray, Linda! -R