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If you’re here reading this, the thought “Should I break up with him?” has already crossed your mind. Something’s changed in the way you feel or the way he acts that is making you wonder if life would be better without him.
What are the signs you should break up with him?
1. If You Don’t Feel Safe, Get Out Now.
2. You Are Increasingly Resentful.
3. You Bicker Now More Than Ever.
4. You Start Sweating The Small Stuff.
5. You Know It’s Time To Split.
6. The Volatility Is Getting Out Of Hand.
7. Sex Has Become A (Major) Negative.
8. Insecurity Has Its Grip On You.
9. Your Future Visions Are Way Off.
10. You Feel Like You’ve Settled.
Getting out of a failed relationship is one of the best choices a woman can make. Quicker the better!
It will free you from all the anger and the self-doubt that's already twirling around in your brain.
Wasting anymore mental energy on these debilitating thoughts distracts you from achieving what you want out of life.
But how can you really know if it’s time to cut things off?
Here are the ten above red flags, in detail, that can help you know when to pull the plug on him:
1. If You Don’t Feel Safe, Get Out Now
Let’s get one thing straight.
Too many ladies stay in abusive relationships when they should be bolting for the door. If your man hits you, shoves you, or is in any way out of bounds physically, you need to bail immediately!
No, it wasn’t just a one-time thing, and who cares how sorry he is.
Don’t ever let anyone abuse you. Really, no man should be with anyone he even thinks about physically abusing.
Do the right thing and learn the signs of potential physical abuse so you can kill a relationship before it even has a chance.
Mental abuse is equally damaging. Being constantly put down or manipulated can take you away from everything you truly deserve in life.
Never let anyone take that away from you. Don’t even ask should I break up with him if abuse is in the picture.
Thank you… next!
2. You Are Increasingly Resentful
If resentment has started to build up, you may already be beyond the point of no return.
Are you withholding love from him as a form of revenge? Yikes, this could already be a doomsday scenario….
Resentment manifests in a lot of ways. When your relationship has spiraled into one big “tit-for-tat,” it’s just hard to come back from that.
Recognize if either of you are too proud to apologize, or don’t want to be the one to cave first in a disagreement.
That's a clear “yes” to should I break up with him. No one wins in a battle of egos.
He may just not be right for you.
If it’s him directing resentment towards you, take it for what it is and split. You can always find better.
3. You Bicker Now More Than Ever
What about that annoying couple that you hang out with sometimes? The one that always fights when you’re with a group?
Yeah, the one you always talk with your friends about why they’re still together when they aren’t around…
Easy answer is that they probably shouldn’t be. When a couple can’t even keep a lid on it when minor arguments pop up, the end is near.
If you’re with friends and you can't help but roast him over forgetting his keys or forgetting to make that appointment, then take that as your sign to exit.
Contrast that to when things were good, and you saved your disagreements for the end of the night or when you could speak privately.
That’s a sign of mutual respect, not wanting your partner to feel embarrassed in public.
4. You Start Sweating The Small Stuff
Yeah, the way he sipped his coffee or stroked your hair when you watched TV together used to be so… nice.
But now it drives you insane…
The small stuff is endearing when things are great. The real test of a relationship is how you feel after the honeymoon phase is over.
You still love the way he rolls onto your side of the bed at night? The clothes on the floor?
Deciding whether or not to break up with him should always include considering how you feel about his behavior and quirks.
If you can’t stand his little habits, that’s a sign you can’t stand him anymore.
When nit-picking turns into heated fights, it’s time for one of you to pack the bags. Or both!
Who wants to spend their time fighting about clothes laying on the floor or not putting the cap on the toothpaste?
There are more important things to spend your time worrying about like how to accomplish the dreams you set out for yourself. Ditch the pettiness.
5. You Know It's Time To Split
If you’re honest with yourself, you already know the answer.
Constantly questioning why you’re with someone is just lying to yourself about the inevitable.
That’s a question we should be able to answer without hesitation, not ponder over as we lay in bed or at our jobs.
Ask your friends that question and see how they react. If you already have and they stumble over their words or their eyes widen, then you know the answer.
You should take inventory of every relationship occasionally to make sure you’re feeling great and life is moving in the right direction.
If the question about breaking up with him keeps popping up, then it’s time to leave.
6. The Volatility Is Getting Out Of Hand
It’s not a good sign if a romantic comedy could be made about your relationship.
A little drama keeps things interesting, but it can get out of hand. You ever heard the story of the couple that broke up ten times and then lived happily ever after?
That’s right, because it doesn’t exist.
If things are so great when you get back together and then later you need a good blow out break up to inject some passion into things, then that’s not real.
All you’re in love with is the excitement of the drama you’re creating…
You’re probably in love with the roller coaster, just not the person who’s riding with you.
READ my review of Rori Raye Toxic Men to discover with certainty if it's time to move on from him >>
7. Sex Has Become A (Major) Negative
Sorry to break it to all the young ones out there, but your love life is going to “settle down” over the course of a relationship.
You mature, and you get more comfortable knowing what you want. When it comes to intimacy, things aren’t going to be as steamy as when you first got together.
I'm not saying you should break up with him just because you’re not having sex in the back of the car anymore.
You know what I'm getting at.
However, physical intimacy is important to the long-term survival of a relationship. Some people need or crave physical touch more than others.
Fights over intimacy are one of the leading reasons for relationship stress along with money.
Be real enough to accept that things won’t always be movie-live passionate when it comes to sex.
But that doesn’t mean it shouldn’t still be great.
The opposite is also true. The sexual dynamic in a loving relationship should be one of equality and mutual respect.
Don’t even think twice about should I break up with him if he’s using sex as leverage or to otherwise manipulate you.
There’s a fine line between trying something new and pushing someone too far.
Sex is complicated, but if it’s not an even playing field between you and him, time to say bye-bye...
8. Insecurity Has Its Grip On You
No, you shouldn’t swap phone pins or Instagram logins. That’s not necessarily the best of ideas…
It’s not showing trust, but rather a lack of it.
You shouldn’t be asking someone to follow up on him to make sure he’s going where he said he would be ever…
An important thing to think about when you consider should I break up with him is whether you really trust him.
Are you OK letting him go out by himself? No, seriously…
A healthy relationship involves some degree of personal space and time apart.
If that’s hard for either of you then it’s time to move on.
Life’s too short to be with someone that you constantly suspect of cheating…
The same goes for him. If you can’t go out with your friends without a few calls every hour asking where you are and what you’re doing, then what’s the point?
It’s this constant cycle of having to prove to each other that you're trustworthy.
There’s really no trust there at all…
Jealousy also sinks a lot of relationships. If it’s taken hold in yours, then put your relationship out of its misery.
If you’re thinking about should I break up with him because he stayed out too late or won’t answer your phone calls, then just end it.
When the thought of him posing for a picture with another woman or have female friends, then he’s not the one for you.
9. Your Future Visions Are Way Off
Progress is a big part of life. Growth leads to happiness and fulfillment.
Stagnation sucks…
You need to partner with someone in life that loves you and challenges you to be your best.
There’s no better feeling than going through life step by step with mutual support between you and your partner.
Whoever you’re with should push you towards your goals, not hold you back.
As relationships progress, you’ll encounter more goal markers that will confirm repeatedly that he’s still worthy of your love.
If you guys are off base on things like what city to live in and what kind of life you want to live, then you need to go your separate ways.
If marriage and kids are an absolute must for one of you but not the other, the biggest mistake you can do is hold on hoping that one day he will change.
Unfortunately, that’s never going to happen…
10. You Feel Like You've Settled
The bottom line is that you are worth too much to ever settle with someone you’re not sure that you love.
Life’s too short to live it worrying about “what ifs.” Don’t waste another second of your life with someone that doesn’t make you feel fantastic.
The longer you’re with someone you’re settling for, the bigger your regret will be at the end of the day.
I know he’s a nice guy. He’s got a great job. He’s great around your friends. You’ve been together so long already.
None of that matters if he doesn’t make you happy and you don’t love him. Take a good hard look at him and ask yourself is he everything you want.
If there’s hesitation, it’s time to jump ship.
Asking Should I Break Up With Him Answers Itself
If you found yourself nodding along at these red flags, then you know what to do.
Breaking up is hard. The decision to separate from a partner can be emotionally draining.
Some people even stay together because they don’t want to go through the discomfort of breaking up.
Don’t be passive and let life pass you by.
Don’t stay in a relationship as is spirals downward into something that makes you sad and depressed.
Make the decision now to take control and fight for what you deserve.
No one wants to look back on too much time spent in a relationship thinking they should have been gone long before.
You know what to do, now do it. Make the break.
Someone better is waiting out there for you.
Hey Ryan
Great post on relationships
I remember listening to Tony Robbins one evening on relationships and he said in order for any relationship to be ok, 1st you must be friends and accept each other and all the differences 100%. If you then know you feel like the person is your best friend, then you can enter into a relationship and not before.
If the person is good for you, and you good for them then you have a chance at making it great but if not, then do not go any further and certainly never meet up, go on a date or 2 have sex, fall in love and then down the track find you don’t like each other- How many people do this? Wrong!!! Tony says to become great friends is the key before the sex comes into it as this emotion can be so destructive
Thanks for sharing these true examples of what happens if people do it wrong
Gowe ll and be awesome Ryan
Thanks Vicki! Well, Tony Robbins does get a lot of things right, and that certainly remains true when it comes to relationships! My wife and I started as friends first. It honestly felt very backwards to me, since I had never experienced it before with another girl. But I don’t believe I would appreciate her now at the level I do without this process taking place. Thank you so much for pointing this out! -R
Wow, I really enjoy your post. Even though I am way past the stage of the dating life, I wish I could have seen your post about 30 yeasr ago instead of spending, actually wasting so much time with the wrong people. I like the tips, and I will pass it on to my younger friends that sometimes I feel really need some good advices. Hopefully coming from you they will feel better
Hey Barbara! Although I’d like to think these tips apply to 30 year-old marriages alike, as well as “younger” relationships, I do appreciate you passing these on to people to whom you feel may benefit 🙂
Have a great day! -R
It is indeed hard. Being in a bad or wrong relationship surely does a lot of damage to one’s well-being. Dealing with all the strain, stress, and conflicts can sometimes drive a person to be passive and in effect, affecting one’s ability to make life-changing decisions such as embracing great changes.
So true, Ernst! One of the worst things we can do is not make a decision to change our situation, but unfortunately, it’s one of the most common reactions we have. Thanks for reading! -R
Being in a relationship is not easy and although I am a guy I understand how important this post is to females. Been in a relationship should not be like a chore. Both of you have to respect and help each other grow to become better persons. Some girls stay in relationships because they are afraid to be alone. That should not be the case because your happiness is more important than forcing yourself to remain in a relationship.
You should be able to know when to stay and when to call it quits. No need to keep on enduring in a relationship that seems doomed.
I couldn’t agree more, Jay! One tough reality I learned in relationship coaching is that for most people, staying in a failed relationship just feels safer than making the bold decision to leave. It’s this rationalization that we can adapt to what we know, even if it doesn’t bring us joy and happiness. No one should every be afraid to be alone. You need to be alone to reset for the next great energy that enters your life to fully appreciate the new addition 🙂
Thanks for stopping by! -R