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You may have recently come to the revelation, “my wife is cheating.” If you’ve had this thought, I’m sorry. Let’s take a look at what needs to happen now.
What are the steps to take if your wife is cheating on you?
1. Set Your Resolve.
2. Get And Record Evidence.
3. Lawyer Up.
4. Gather The Troops.
5. Take Inventory.
6. Watch What You Say (And Do).
7. Take Time To Heal.
8. Time To Move On.
No one should have to deal with this, but here you are. Get ready for a fight.
I’m here to help you win. You deserve to win.
Even if you just suspect your wife is cheating, following these eight tips in detail below will help ensure the best possible results from such a horrible situation:
1. Set Your Resolve
Admit it, the trust is broken in your relationship. This is something that is often irreplaceable.
Since she’s cheated, she’s likely already decided that it’s over. You need to make that decision as well.
When you decide that it is over, you need to get ready for a fight.
Spend some time repeating to yourself, “my wife is cheating” if you really need to psych yourself up. You’ll need to stand firm.
Divorce and custody proceedings are emotionally, financially, and physically draining.
Even if the divorce is amicable, it’s likely you’ll be fighting for things you hold dear–your house, your car, your kids…
Don’t doubt yourself. Don’t second guess yourself. She is the one that cheated on you.
You deserve to fight for what is rightfully yours.
Everything you’ve earned, your time with your kids, even the house you live in and the car you drive is all up for grabs now.
All because she cheated…
Until the fight is over, consider yourself a soldier. There will be time to grieve after it’s all done. But for now, you fight.
2. Get And Record Evidence
If you know your wife is cheating, try to get written or recorded evidence.
It’s likely, even if she already confessed to cheating, that she won’t provide such obvious evidence.
Talk to people who have done it before if you need to. If you can get her to sign something, it may be a clear indication that she’s sorry or willing to work with you.
Take advantage of this, but it’s not likely to happen.
Getting evidence means that when you tell the divorce lawyer that your wife is cheating, he has a lot more to work with and you’re more likely to come out on top in negotiations.
It can also give you a lot of leverage in custody battles.
You may have to secretly record a conversation with her or catch her in the act and get pictures.
Hiring a private investigator is always an option. They can gather evidence for you and even serve as a witness.
If you can’t get physical evidence, you can probably find at least a witness or two.
These can be friends and family but could also be workers who have seen them together at restaurants, hotels, or other venues.
This is the hardest step, because it takes a bit of investigative work…
But having evidence when you tell people “my wife is cheating” is a huge advantage and is worth the time, effort, and money you put into it.
3. Lawyer Up
You need to get a divorce (and/or custody) lawyer before you even tell your wife you know she’s cheating or that you want to split.
Having this professional guidance can help you get the upper hand even before you start the fight.
Consequently, when you tell your lawyer that you’re a victim of infidelity, he’ll be able to advise you on the best steps to take.
Infidelity can have huge consequences if you have a competent lawyer.
Lawyers are expensive, but they are unavoidable. They will help you keep what you deserve, especially since you’re not the one who cheated.
If you have kids, it is even more important. Men are at a severe disadvantage when it comes to custody battles.
Obtaining a lawyer early can help put the pieces in motion to win a difficult war.
Don’t find a cheap lawyer. This is one of the most important decisions you’ll make over the course of your divorce proceedings.
A lawyer who is paid well will fight for you and get you as much as possible.
A good lawyer will also have a lot of connections. They may have access to private investigators, psychologists, and parenting experts who can help you get the advantage over your soon-to-be ex.
4. Gather The Troops
No one wants to tell their friends and family that their wife is cheating, but it’s important get support from your people.
This will be a hard time, and the more people you have helping you, the faster you will recover from it.
You do not need to be ashamed to tell them. This wasn’t your fault.
She cheated, and she is the one who will look poorly…
Friends and family may be able to give you emotional and financial support or watch your kids while you go lawyer meetings.
This doesn’t mean you should tell every Joe-Schmo what happened to you.
You may not even want to tell the less supportive members of your family…
You need support though, so gather those that have your back and rally them to your cause.
Make sure that you can trust them, though. Everything you tell them should be confidential until the fight is over.
As I’ll mention later, everything you say can be used against you…
If they have “loose lips,”don’t entrust them with any important or delicate information.
5. Take Inventory
Divorce is a financial drain. Not only do you have to pay for a lawyer, but you have an ex-wife who is trying to take roughly half of what you own.
It’s likely that even with the best lawyer, you’re not going to keep 100% of what you own.
The moment you 100% confirm to yourself in your brain that your wife is cheating, you need to take inventory and make three lists immediately.
Think of everything you own, including financial accounts and other less tangible assets.
Put each of them into one of the following lists, which you’ll give to your lawyer:
1. Everything you’d keep in an “ideal” divorce situation – If your lawyer was awesome and got everything you asked for, this is what you’d have.
2. Things you absolutely cannot part with – These are the deal breakers. This would include your favorite vintage car that you’d trade that condo on the beach for. You’ll fight tooth and nail for these things.
3. Things you’re fine letting go – Her wedding ring (unless it was your grandma’s or something), the second car you share, or those ugly bed sheets. These are things you’ll willingly give over when push comes to shove. They’re not worth the fight for you. They can also be used as bargaining chips for the things you actually want.
It’s important to be realistic. Even if you did have a shot at your ideal list, be aware that you will have to give stuff up.
6. Watch What You Say (And Do)
Everything you say and do can be used against you in court.
Even if you may want to tell everyone “my wife is cheating” just so you can destroy her reputation, it might not be the best idea.
It is important to keep a level head during this time. Do not let your emotions destroy your chances.
When a lot of men talk about being cheated on, they tend to go on rants on Facebook or to other friends.
This stuff can get around…
You’ll have plenty of time to speak ill of your ex once the divorce is settled. But do not do it on Facebook or other social media.
Try not to do it too much with friends or family unless you know for sure they won’t say anything to anyone else.
Everything you say could affect how much you get. It can also hurt your chances to get a decent custody agreement.
Judges already favor women for custody; don’t give them more ammunition.
Texts, emails, and in some cases phone calls, can all be used to paint a picture of your character. Whenever you talk directly to her, do your best to be as polite and civil as possible.
Watch out! If she’s smart, she may even try to trip you up. She may try to provoke you into saying something you’ll regret.
I know this may be one of the hardest things you’ve ever done.
It may cause you to go bald early. But if you can show you are the better person, it will assuredly work to your advantage and lighten the burden on your wallet.
Also, try to avoid any assault charges. You may want to go track down and beat up or verbally berate the guy she’s cheating with.
Don’t do that.
Punch a pillow or go to the gym instead. Have as little contact with the guy as possible.
It might be best to just delete Facebook and other social media until everything is settled.
You may go through some withdrawals, but it will be easier to avoid the temptation.
Finally, it’s best not to speak ill of your wife in front of the kids. A judge may ask them what they think of their mother, and if he suspects you’ve influenced their perception, it may not work out well for you.
You may hate the woman, but it’s still important for your kids to have a good relationship with her.
7. Take Time To Heal
Divorce sucks. It drains you mentally, emotionally, and financially. You may have scars that never fully heal.
A divorce may even make it hard to trust women again…
Don’t be tempted to rebound quickly or to seek comfort in a new relationship. Definitely don’t try to “get even” by cheating while you’re still married.
It will only lead to a crappy relationship and end up hurting you (and the new woman) even more.
Instead, take time to heal before you enter a new relationship.
Fix your mental and emotional scars by talking with people you trust. A therapist can help you heal any trust issues or fear of commitment you may have suffered.
Let them know that infidelity has ruined your relationship, and they can begin to heal you throughout the entire process of divorce.
Did you know that sometimes divorce can cause PTSD? If you’re suffering from long term effects of a divorce, seek professional help.
There is nothing to be ashamed of, and it will help you be happier in the long term.
Finances are usually a big area of contention in a relationship, and divorce can make them even more complicated.
Before you get into another relationship, meet with a financial planner to re-establish your financial freedom and prevent any future relationship problems.
If you take these steps, you will be able to get past this!
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8. Time To Move On
Once you’re healed, find someone else to spend your time on.
There are millions of good, non-cheating women out there, and you deserve someone who won’t cheat on you.
You may even find some way to move on without another relationship.
Spending more time with your kids, delving into your career, or finding new hobbies can all be ways to live an enriching life without having to worry about a cheating wife.
You may be tempted to reconcile or get back with your wife. This is natural. It’s like a withdrawal.
Under no circumstances should you get back with your wife. Even if you must keep her in your life because of kids.
DO NOT get back with her.
If you have to, keep repeating back to yourself those words you first said: “my wife is cheating.” This will help remind you of the emotional and financial pain she caused you.
It’s not worth it. She hasn’t changed. She will cheat again…
Find someone else and move on!
It won’t be easy. It may be one of the hardest things you’ve ever had to do.
However, if you follow these eight steps you are likely to come out on top.