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One of the most interesting takeaways I've had from doing consulting work with dating clients is how bad assumptions tend to be about the opposite sex's views on sex. Many myths surround men and sex.
What myths do women carry about men and sex?
1. He’s Only In It For The One-Night Stand.
2. He’s Been With More Partners Than Me.
3. He Views Sex Less Intimately Than I Do.
4. He’s Talking To Me… He Just Wants Sex.
5. He Tells His Friends “The Dirty Deets” About His Sex Life.
Today, I want to specifically discuss how women's views on men and sex may be further off than they might realize.
I knew this would be one of my first handful of articles I'd write because I believe it's one of the biggest reasons the dating world comes with such complication and complexity.
In dating, perception can make or break you…
These assumptions we constantly carry around have us all entering into new relationships on the wrong footing…
Your success in that relationship will literally hinge on how quickly you can get that footing back before it's too late.
Here are the five above myths, laid out in detail, regarding men and sex:
1. He's Only In It For The One-Night Stand
Anybody who has been dating for more than a few months consecutively knows that dating can be very repetitive.
When we're not meeting people that really spark anything in us back-to-back, the process can be downright exasperating…
Women and men feel this alike and if we we're being honest with ourselves, we wouldn't actually want to be single.
Unless we're freshly out of a relationship, we'd rather “Netflix and chill” with the same cutie that consistently understands us and gets us.
So ladies, he's not just in it for the one-night stand; but he's rather hoping you're something more.
He'd much rather kick it with you at home rather spending gobs of money at the bar hoping he's going to find love, because well… he's found you!
Don't allow those “players” out there put up too much of a front with you. I don't care how cool and confident he appears.
He's got a fragile inner child in there that wants to be nurtured and he's hoping that can be you.
Unless, of course, he's a total A-hole… but that's for another article completely.
READ The 5 Love Languages to learn how to sync your subliminal communication with him >>
2. He's Been With More Partners Than Me
This is one of the most common myths currently out there, unfortunately. And it's even been proven untrue yet again in a recent 2017 Superdrug survey over in the U.K.
This myth can have negative consequences for a woman going into a new relationship. She may feel less than when it comes to her sexual prowess or experience.
Clearly, that's not healthy…
The truth is that outdated social expectations have men raising their actual number of sexual partners to sound more “impressive.”
Women tend to lower their number so they aren't seen as “promiscuous.”
When it comes to men and sex, men tend to lie 10% of the time about their sexual history. Women lie about 5% of the time, based on recent studies.
Another major factor of how many sexual partners you have depends on your country of origin and the culture that surrounds you.
For example, Utah residents have an average of 2.6 sexual partners whereas Louisiana residents have an average of 15.7 sexual partners.
Mardi Gras versus Mormonism – Who would have thunk it?!
Never assume he's had more partners. At the end of the day, it's not really that all important unless your culture mandates it as some sort of sticking point for entering a relationship.
3. He Views Sex Less Intimately Than I Do
Our oversexualized American culture places the man in a position of not really valuing sex as a private and intimate experience.
In other words, she's having dreams of Prince Charming while he's just day-dreaming about the hot cheerleader he wants to bang, and so on.
Our society commands that men be rough-and-tough 24/7 because strong men “get” girls, period!
They just want to get their piece wherever and whenever they can.
It would be nearly impossible, because of these cultural norms, for women to not think this way about men and sex.
The truth is sex most likely intimidates him a lot more than it intimidates you.
A man's route to intimacy may be different from yours. But make no mistake: His desire to please you is directly correlated to his desire to connect with you.
And at the most intimate of levels…
4. He's Talking To Me… He Just Wants Sex
This one is almost more of a general paradigm than is it a myth.
Having this worldview can severely hamper a woman's ability to get on the right footing and connect with a man's true intention.
When we have a viewpoint like this, we immediately put up our guard and skip asking some highly relevant and crucial questions to get the information we need to continue pursuing someone.
Something else critical happens.. we stop listening to the other person because we “already know” the answers.
If you know everything about a man's intentions, then there's no need to really hear him anymore.
This breakdown in communication leads to other assumptions and subsequent actions that could hamstring your future with him.
It may seem like a small assumption. But it could completely compartmentalize his true intentions with you and prevent a potentially amazing connection with him.
5. He Tells His Friends “The Dirty Deets” About His Sex Life
This goes back to Myth #3 about a man's view of intimacy in relation to sex.
The truth about men and sex is that he's not sharing many details at all about his sexual experiences with his friends.
The reason is that “less is more” in a man's world as it pertains to his friends. It's better to be perceived as someone who has an active sex life among your guy friends…
But not necessarily getting to into how you're having sex…
“Oh you're having sex? Cool man.” Said every guy to another at some point in their life.
It's when you're not having sex when guys get into the weeds about where our buddies are struggling with their game…
Let Those Outdated Myths About Men And Sex Go
You might be thinking that I'm just trying to put my male brethren in the best light as possible. You might also be thinking that I'm not actually serious about the five aforementioned myths.
It's simply not true because these myths create a barrier for everyone at some point.
Not all men have the best intentions and some can be manipulative and use their charm for poor intentions.
The majority of men are actively working on themselves to become better partners in one shape or form. I see it every day.
By stripping away some of these commonly-held beliefs about men and sex, you will allow yourself to see men for who they actually are.
You also won't have some irrelevant noise clouding the truth about how he really feels when it counts.
Great article Ryan, I think you make some great points. I think that both men and women have assumptions that they carry around about each other. I especially agree with the part where you said that men don’t always share “the dirty deets” with their friends. I can’t speak for all men obviously, but my friends and I don’t talk about our sex lives very often, especially not in great detail. Like you said, its very casual usually, and a few words are said and thats the end of it!
Keep up the good work, I’d be interested to see if there is a “5 myths men carry about women” in the future!
Yes! Thanks very much for this, Joey!
I think it’s important to point out that men having a conversation with their friends about sex in movies is waaaaaay different than how those conversations go in reality…we just don’t go there! Lol
And I will totally be tackling myths men hold about women regarding sex in a post very soon! My intention is to keep the topics balanced her on DaterBoy, because everyone has their side of the story and both need to be told with equal weight. Thanks for your thoughts!
Yessss!!
Finally, a guy who speaks the truth about men.
This is the same for women.
I’ve always known men see it the same way. That society only makes a big deal out of it.
Ditto! God made sex to be genuine and beautiful!
Except people try to make it sound dirty and competitive.
Which it’s not b
Yay! So glad I’m on point about this, Linda 🙂
I think the guys understand why I’m letting the ladies in on these little “quirks” about us. At the end of the day, we just want to be understood and anything we can do to facilitate that process, I think we’re pretty much all in.
Totally agree sex should be something that is genuine and beautiful, and not dirt and competitive. Thanks so much!
I agree entirely, there are most definitely some guys out there that have those exact traits, but they don’t outnumber the gentlemen. There is no doubt that guys like sex, cause it’s fantastic, but to think they are only in it for sex and squashing a potentially loving relationship is crazy. I’ve been married to my beautiful wife Kristy for 20 happy years, but if she were to overthink it from the beginning, we might never have gotten married. Ladies, contrary to popular belief, I truly think there are some great guys out there, give them a chance.
Hey Frederick!
That’s right! Just give us fellas a chance, ladies! At least until we give you good reason not to any longer.
I’m glad Kristy saw the gentleman in you and didn’t overthink that process for both of your sakes! We gentlemen do exist, but many of us are shy and many of us are completely paralyzed by the dating game – hence, why I’m loving receiving everyone’s comments and hosting this discussion 🙂 The ladies are waiting, gents! Have no fear!
Appreciate your two cents on this issue, sir! -R