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Dating profiles can be daunting to write. Believe me, I know. I didn't have a clue about how to write a dating profile when I started on eHarmony.com back in my 20's.
What are the best steps for men in writing a dating profile?
1. Be Brutally Honest With Yourself.
2. Have A Positive Mindset For Online Dating.
3. Organize Your Life Story.
4. Invest In Some New Writing Skills.
5. Tease, Tease, Tease.
6. A/B Test Your Photos.
The trick is to build one section at a time. Don't get overwhelmed with all the sections you need to fill out. It'll get done.
If you put in the time, you'll have an incredible marketing tool that will draw in women 24/7.
Writing the right kind of profile will be the key in helping you attract the perfect type of women for you.
So, if you've ever been stumped on how to write a dating profile, here are the six above steps, in detail, to standing out from the crowd and have (the right) women lining up to meet you:
1. Be Brutally Honest With Yourself
If you've read my About page, you know I set up three separate eHarmony.com profiles each appealing to different types of women as an experiment.
I ended up going on 148 dates in one year because of this…
I was pretty broke by the end of it all, but I learned a heck of a lot!
If I can just lead with my best piece of advice with everything I've learned about how to write a dating profile:
Sit your ego down and have a nice little chat with him…
Think about all the things that are important for you to find in a woman and write them down…
For example, if you're a Christian (check out my review of a great Christian dating site here) and want to find a woman who also believes in God, mark it down.
If you value your political affiliation (check out a great educated singles dating site here) and want to find a woman who is like-minded politically, mark it down. Got it?
Don't stop this exercise until you literally have mapped out all the things that would be “deal-breakers” for you…
These are the things you will include in your profile. Every last one of them!
2. Have A Positive Mindset For Online Dating
Now, you may be thinking, I'm never going to find a woman that meets all of these criteria. Certainly, you're 99% correct!
Don't worry about that right now.
You see, in crafting a great dating profile, you're telegraphing to any woman that reads it something powerful…
You're conveying that not only are you open and honest, but you have values and beliefs that are important to you.
95% of men don't do this.
They barely put any time into writing their profile and wonder why they can't get a date. Or they write whatever they think women want to hear… Don't be that guy!
If you do this first step, you're already crushing it on writing your dating profile.
You're the cream that's about to float to the top…
3. Organize Your Life Story
Do this step on a different day from your initial research phase to give yourself a break.
Again, we're breaking up the process so we can focus on one step at a time.
In order to organize the structure of your profile, look at your list of “deal-breakers” and start to batch them together in terms of when you realized in your life that those things were important to you.
For me, I can tell you a lot of values and realizations were formed in college, so when I wrote my profile, a majority of my writing focused on those four years.
Think about your audience: women. What's going to get her to read your story? More importantly, what's going to keep her reading?
First, you need a hook. And a good one… Just look at the first sentence of any James Patterson novel. He knows hooks.
Keep your reader in mind as you write. What's going to keep her smiling?
I can tell you that me writing briefly about my relationship with my mother got me many compliments from my profiles.
Women find this kind of thing endearing, so don't be afraid to think outside the box.
4. Invest In Some New Writing Skills
Now, I can't teach you to become a writer in one article, but I can lay out the groundwork of where to keep your attention throughout this process.
I highly recommend signing up for a creative writing seminar or workshop. They even have them online. And they're cheap.
It will be worth every penny and minute spent, I promise. All in all, it will save you from going on dates with women who are terribly wrong for you in the end…
That would be worth the investment alone, wouldn't it?
Aside from that, learning how to become a better writer will help you in many, many other walks of life…
Firstly, you lead with a great hook. Secondly, focus on an area of your life that covers when most of your values were discovered.
You then lay those out by injecting humor in your writing, periodically. And then…
5. Tease, Tease, Tease
Taking two steps forward and one step backward is the right philosophy in how to write your dating profile.
You want to convey the things that are important to you and why you'd be looking for similar qualities in a woman.
However, do not give all your best stuff away in your profile…
You must save some of these golden nuggets for when you two go on a date.
This keeps her interest at an all-time high, because she's constantly having to play detective with you. That's good!
I'll give you an example of what I'm talking about…
For two years, I was on the Board of Directors for a non-profit that ran recreational events for kids with autism here in California.
My experience working with these kids and their parents is something of which I'm very proud.
Now, in my profile, I write “I work with some amazing kids. I'm not a teacher, but if you can guess what I do, you'll get a prize on our first date.”
This worked great for me because it got women to engage with me via email to try to guess what I do.
Therefore, it made the interactions fun and playful, you see?
It also subtly implies that I was going to get a first date with them. When they ask me in person, I then give them the level of detail I gave you about it just now.
I've now created a space where women are actively asking me questions and stirring their own interest in dating me.
READ my review on David Deangelo Cocky Comedy to learn the perfect recipe for teasing and making her laugh >>
6. A/B Test Your Photos
Photos have nothing to do with how to write a dating profile, but photos are equally important.
Exhaustive testing was done when it came to my photos: the angle, how many to include, activities captured, etc. I strongly recommend you do the same.
That testing will pay dividends off in the end with the quality of women you'll be dating.
All in all, I found that five photos was the perfect amount to include with my profile. But test that to see if five is right for you!
Two of them were outdoor shots (one with my shirt off), one where I was dressed up in a suit and tie, one with my mom and two sisters and then one [are you ready?] while I was sleeping.
Yes, sleeping.
Women always asked me about that one and it was a great little ice-breaker when they reached out to me.
Swap different photos in and leave them there for one full week…
Women will be emailing you (since, remember, your profile is very different from what they're used to seeing), so take note of the amount of emails you have at the end of the week.
You'll know when you have the right combination of photos because you literally won't have to do any “outbound” emailing, if you don't want to.
Women will be reaching out to you if you get everything working together.
Aim For The “A” For Effort
Great dating profiles take time to construct and are worth every bit of effort.
If you rush it, two things will happen: 1. You'll attract the wrong women or 2. They'll bypass you altogether
What's the point of paying $35 a month for a service of which you're not fully taking advantage? Take it seriously!
In conclusion, women will very much appreciate your efforts and want to skip right to the first date, and that's a great place to be.
What a great blog post! You touched on things that I would never have thought of for a dating profile. Especially the section about “teasing”. The other thing was the A/B photo test….who knew? Do you think it would be helpful to have close friends give some advice on the profile since it is often hard to view ourselves objectively?
Hey Tom!
Great questions! I suppose you could have close friends review your profile, but what’s going to be more objective feedback for you is what’s coming from the women who will actually be browsing your profile looking to potentially date you. You’ll know pretty quickly if those photos aren’t working or your profile is off, because women will leave messages or won’t hit you up at all.
Test everything! Nothing is make it or break it out of the gate. It’s a process that enables you to tweak everything over time so you can increase the conversion of conversations (and dates!) that you’d be having with the ladies!
Talk soon! -R
This is very awesome article Ryan! I must admit that I was on so many dating sites but did not have a lot of luck. I think that your tips will greatly help me in finding one girl that suits me best. I also think that the biggest problem today is to be honest and most people try to be someone they are not which is a big problem.
Yes, it’s interesting how people try to lead others astray when dating online. My biggest issue was women misrepresenting themselves with their photos, ya know, the ones that were from 5 years ago but now they look verrrrrrry different?
Guys do this too and people have to realize, the gig is gonna be up as soon as you meet up with them…and it’s not going to go well. Good luck, Daniel! -R
I guess I’m still a bit old fashioned, and I am already married. But I did, at one point, try the online dating scene. I think that you make some great points. I further think that you know way more about this topic than I likely ever will. I mean, I would likely never have thought to A/B test my pics, but it makes sense. Very thorough article, I imagine that you are highly sought after for your services in the dating area.
Thank you, sir! Even though I’m not doing much one-on-one consulting at the moment, the last couple of years have been great for business! It’s amazing what a great referral or two can do for you!
I appreciate the kind words and I will continue to produce thorough content in any area I believe I can add value to the conversation 🙂 Cheers! -R
Hello, Your article was an insightful read for me and enjoyable to read from a female perspective ;).amazing that you went on 148 dates in a year, you must have been knackered! Some great tips here and I agree with you that you shouldn’t just write what you think the woman wants to hear, that’s very much pointless.
Great read thankyou!
Thanks, Dianne! I’m so glad you could contribute your perspective from the female point of view 🙂
Yes, the 148 dates is almost a blur now haha! What an amazing period of learning and growth! At least it got me to a place where I am now engaged with my best friend and partner in crime, right? Would do it all over again if I had to. -R
Hi Ryan, great webpage. I think that you gave an organized detailed explanation on how to get dates. I agree with you that you should have a positive mindset and being honest about yourself. I guess we each know our own life story so that won’t be a problem Do you think we should really invest in a creative writing course for a dating profile? Anyways once again great webpage, maybe it’ll come in handy for me! Thanks.
Haha good question, Peter! I am totally biased when it comes to writing (in full disclosure) because I am a writer. I loved creative writing classes and they helped me write eight screenplays, a fantasy fiction novel, and well, now a bunch of targeted articles seeking to help men and women with their dating game!
Thanks for reading! 🙂 -R
Lovely article Ryan. I must say, one can learn a lot by following your articles. The 6 points you mentioned pins it bro. Especially the first one and the second one. One must be brutally hones with himself and listing the “deal-breakers” is a must do. Also i will be foolish on one’s apart to wrongly judge women and put everything that he thinks women wants to hear about him. I have bookmarked your site for future reference. Cheers!
A lot more coming on this topic, Gee! I’m involved with reviewing many dating programs taught by people that meet my dating philosophy, so I’ll be sharing those reviews and those dating coaches soon!
I don’t have any of my own programs yet, but there are really great people out there teaching from the heart (we’ll ditch the “pick up artists”) and are really helping people change their lives!
Thank you for your kind words, sir! -R