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If you’re not in a committed relationship, but are looking for some hot and heavy fun anyway, you may be wondering how to have a fling.
What are the best steps on how to have a fling?
2. Set Expectations.
3. Stay Safe.
4. Don’t Get Drunk.
5. Go Fishing.
6. Make A Sexual Bucket List.
7. Get Kinky.
8. Embrace Romance.
9. Cut Off Contact.
A fling is a “no strings attached” physical relationship where both people’s needs are met and then they go their separate ways.
It can have a lot of benefits — learning what you want in bed, honing your skills, building confidence, and even getting over a bad relationship.
In a world that is becoming increasingly sex positive, there is no reason to feel apprehensive about having a fling.
While a fling may be more than one encounter, typically it’s for a short period of time and then you never see the person again.
So, if you want a romp between the sheets, check out these nine detailed steps for how to get the best flings of your life:
If you have any doubt if you really want a fling, wait until you know you’re completely ready.
Not only will people sense you’re not fully committed to the idea, but it’s likely some doubt in your mind will transfer to some doubt in your “performance.”
Trust me, nobody wants that. It may turn you off from the idea of future flings. There is no shame in waiting until you can commit.
So, if this is what you want, commit to it. You are not looking for a relationship at this time.
You don’t even want to hook up with people you’ll be tempted to have a relationship with…
This is purely physical. This is “no strings attached” carefree fun. Get your head in the game and don’t get distracted.
When you’re done with your season of flings, then you can entertain romantic ideas of falling in love.
But not while you’re just looking for a fling, got it?
Flings can be fun. If you do them right, it can be one of the most fun times of your life.
It can help you gain valuable sexual and romantic experience for when you’re in a relationship you actually want.
Live it. Practice your moves. And keep your eye on the goal!
Ladies: If you're getting hung up on this step and having trouble finding guys to have a fling with, watch my Youtube video The 3 Big Reasons He's NOT Approaching You here and what to do.
2. Set Expectations
If you’re trying to decide how to have a fling, one of the first things you need to realize is that it should be mutual.
The last thing you want to do is get yourself in a position where you know it's a fling, but the other person does not.
At best, this would lead to a bad experience for the other person. It could also leave them with hurt feelings, or a bad experience for you…
You don’t want to be turned off from future flings, remember.
One way you can do this is by using certain language. Mention that you’re “looking for a fling,” “trying to have a good time,” or something that’s “no strings attached.”
If you’ve been flirting for a while, you can even add in some light risqué talk or innuendos, so you communicate what you want without killing the mood.
You may be in the throes of passion, but make sure you at least mention boundaries with each other.
Where are you agreeing to go for this romp? Will you stay the night together, or split when the act is done?
Finally, make sure that there is always consent. It may really suck to ask when you just want to go hot and heavy, but no one wants their lives ruined by a consent issue.
To play it safe, make sure all forms of intimacy are getting an “enthusiastic yes” before you do them, and you shouldn’t have any issues.
Plus, a “yes,” can be a huge turn on.
3. Stay Safe
Use a condom. Yeah, I know it’s not as enjoyable, but neither are the consequences of unsafe sex.
While there are perks to having kids around, no one wants an unplanned pregnancy.
Even worse would be an STI. Ain’t nobody got time for that…
Always carry a condom or two with you, as you can’t guarantee the other person will have one.
Make sure you replace them every so often (though hopefully you’ll be using them often enough!).
Make sure you tell at least one trusted, supportive friend, what you’ll be doing that night.
Have a code word you can text them in case they need to come rescue you or create an emergency to save you from an awkward situation.
Text them periodically to tell them where you’re ending up just in case something happens.
This night will probably be a ton of fun. And you’ll be able to enjoy it with reckless abandon if you’re not anxious about your safety.
4. Don’t Get Drunk
You may be including alcohol in your thoughts about how to have a fling. Don’t drink enough to get drunk.
You may think that getting drunk will maximize your fun. This would be a mistake…
In addition to affecting your “performance” in bed, getting drunk could definitely complicate the night in other ways.
First, hangovers suck. If you end up spending the night at a stranger’s house, the last thing you want is to get sick there.
Secondly, if you get drunk you may not even remember the night. One of the benefits of a fling is that you can remember it, learn from it, and look back fondly on it…
Third, if you have get drunk in order “go through with it,” then you’re not actually ready for a fling anyway.
Finally, being intoxicated presents some problems for consent. One or both of you may have regrets in the morning and getting drunk makes the legalities of that even worse.
So, enjoy a couple drinks, but don’t overdo it!
5. Go Fishing
There really are plenty of fish in the sea. If you’re confident and know where to look, you can find plenty of people to have a fling with!
First, go someplace that will have the type of people you want to meet. So, probably not a church or a playground…
If you go to a place where people tend to be in committed relationships, or frown on the idea of a fling, you’re going to have less options and be wasting your precious time.
Bars, single groups, sporting events, and other typical single hook up places are perfect for finding a non-committal night of fun.
There are even websites online, but if you’re going to use one of these be really careful.
Many of them are very sketchy and it’s easier to get into a “not so legal” situation.
It’s best if you can stick to meeting people in person, that way you can enjoy the pursuit!
Pick a person you find attractive and start flirting. If they respond, you’re in luck. It should be a good night.
If they don’t seem mutually interested, move on. No use wasting your time on someone who might not want what you do.
Try to enjoy this part. It’s a game. Practice your pick-up lines and work on slowly “reeling them in.”
The time between the sheets may be the climax of the night, but all the foreplay leading up to it can make the experience much more enjoyable.
6. Make A Sexual Bucket List
Do you have a bucket list for “bedroom stuff?” Basically, what are the positions you’ve wanted to try or the places you’ve wanted to do it that you’ve never had the opportunity for?
Or maybe you’ve just been too scared to do them… Now’s your chance!
Make a bucket list of things you’ve wanted to try. Try to make it as long as you can, though keep it to all legal things.
If you’re looking for how to have a fling, introduce a game element so it’ll be both fun and help you to realize you want.
Every time you have a fling, try to cross off at least one thing on your bucket list.
Of course, the other person must be willing to do it. But if you’re finding a different person each time, you’re bound to have a variety of great experiences with a bunch of open-minded people.
Maybe you want to try to pick up a different person from every bar in your city.
Or maybe you want to make your way through the Kama Sutra.
It doesn’t matter if your fling is a bit longer, or a series of one-night stands, a bucket list will help you figure out what you want and be super fun.
7. Get Kinky
Flings are excellent opportunities to expand your sexual boundaries and think outside the box.
I’ve already talked about your bucket list, and that is a great way to help you decide what you want, but a fling is an excellent time to allow yourself to be kinky.
It’s true that just because you’re open to a fling doesn’t mean you are comfortable being kinky, but how will you discover new things if you don’t try?
As long as you both consent, try things that make you a bit more uncomfortable.
A particularly fun way to do this is with sex toys or videos.
While trying some new things, like S&M maybe, you would want more of a trust than a fling could give, there are a ton of things you can try having just met someone.
In fact, the fact that you never have to see them again may make some things easier.
So, wear those kinky outfits. Have sex in those unusual places. Try those positions that you may not be familiar with. Use some new sex toys (We enjoy Ella Paradis' selection).
You’ll learn more about what you like and because better at sex while you’re at it.
8. Embrace Romance
A fling is the perfect time to practice your romantic skills — both giving and receiving.
You might think that practicing romance will kill the mood or is needless because you’ll just be having a fling with this person and then leaving.
But if you think of romance as foreplay, then it enhances the night. Plus, sometimes its more fun if you must work to woo someone.
It makes you feel like you really conquered the night.
You can turn up the charm and flirting. You can even pretend to be someone else, so adopt a persona you want to try.
Sometimes, both men and women are starved for romance if they’re in a relationship.
Turn up the romance to 100% and you’re guaranteed to have even better sex.
9. Cut off Contact
A key piece of advice when you’re learning how to have a fling is to cut off contact when it’s over.
If you don’t, you risk having a relationship, and relationships that started on flings burn out quickly…
It is possible to have more than one sexual encounter with someone and still call it a fling.
In fact, the idea of a “summer fling” is quite appealing to some people. But it should not last more than a month or so.
The key is that once you start developing an emotional attachment to someone, it makes it much more likely things will get complicated.
That won’t turn out well for anyone…
Maybe you had amazing sex with them and want to keep them on the line for some time in the future. Don’t do it.
There are plenty of other people you can have great sex with, by keeping an old fling on the line you’re reducing the possibility of discovering new things.
Don’t worry about feeling like a jerk. Don’t worry about missing out.
If you both agreed to a fling, then neither of you will be hurt by cutting it off and you won’t be tied down in a relationship that’s founded on something purely physical.
Don't Overthink It… Have Fun
Trying to figure out how to have a fling can be a bit intimidating. You may wonder what your peers may think, or a lack of knowledge may be hurting your confidence.
The truth is, it doesn’t have to be difficult.
With some confidence, communication, and the right moves, you can have many thrilling, physical sexual encounters that set you up for greater success in your future relationships.
Just follow these nine steps, and you’ll be right on track for a care free night romping between the sheets.
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