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Women tend to thrive on conversation much more than men. Men’s quality time is often sitting in the same room having a beer, watching the game, or playing video games. This can lead to a challenge in a relationship when the woman prefers talking on the phone, and the man prefers texting.
Sometimes you just want to have a real conversation with the guy you like, but just can’t convince him!
These 9 tips will help you understand what he’s thinking, and how to help him move past the challenge of texting only:
1. Determine His Personality
When you’re considering how to get a guy to call instead of text, determine if he’s an introvert or extravert. Also, figure out how much he typically talks in person.
This can help you approach the situation in a way that is most likely to convince him. Figure out what he considers some of the challenges are for him and try to address those.
Some challenges may include:
He likes to think about words before he uses them.
If he’s an introvert, he might prefer texting because he can take time to think about what he wants to say.
Talking can be scary because you have to think relatively quickly. Texting might help him reduce his anxiety, and it may have become a habit for him.
He thinks you talk too much.
He may think this whether he’s an introvert or an extravert.
If you talk too quickly for him to get a word in, talk only about yourself, or call all the time, he may dread calling you on the phone. After all, what’s the point?
He thinks talking on the phone is inconvenient.
If he’s super busy, very active, or constantly talks to other people, texting may be easier for him.
He can respond when he has chance and doesn’t need to step out of his meeting or stop working out to talk to you. This is something he needs to fix, though!
A compromise can let him know you’re willing to seek a balance between the amount of time you talk and the amount of time you text.
Relationships are all about compromise anyway, so let him know you don’t expect him to call every time.
You might do this by a formal or explicit agreement. Maybe you’ve already established that you’re going to talk every day. Now, you say you’ll alternate between text and talking.
Maybe, if you want to ease him into it, say you’ll only make him chat 25% of the time. Either way, at least you’ll get him in the habit.
Or, maybe you have a slightly more loose or informal arrangement.
If you’re able to call sometimes and text sometimes, just out of consideration of what each other wants, you have a really good relationship!
You’re able to meet each other’s needs without really asking.
Either way, you can’t compromise if he doesn’t know talking is important to you, so let him know it’s something you want to work toward, and then you can figure out a system.
3. Let Him Multitask
When you’re wondering how to get a guy to call instead of text, you have to consider how his brain works.
A lot of guys have trouble just focusing on a conversation; it’s just how our brain works.
It’s analogous to how doodling helps you listen or listening to music can help you focus on the task at hand.
This is one of the reasons why men tend to be more open and vulnerable when we’re walking or driving or working in our workshop.
I know the hesitation to let him multitask — it seems like he’s just not listening…
And in fact, not every guy will be able to pull this off. The trick is to let him do some light multitasking, like cleaning, organizing, drawing, or exercising.
Basically, anything that allows him to keep his hands or body busy while his mind is relatively unoccupied.
This means that TV (i.e. sports), video games, writing, reading, and other things that take some form of concentration are going to be too distracting for him to give you the attention you want.
The idea is that these minor diversions act as a form of security and allows him time to process before he responds.
While you may be tempted to just jump in and keep talking while he’s doing something, be OK with the silences between when you talk and when he responds.
If you have a guy who can pull this off, it’s going to do wonders for your relationship.
4. Text Him
In the ultimate act of irony, text him and ask you to call him. I call this the “drive by” method, as you’re using a quick relatively easy tactic to get his attention and get him to call you.
He can look at the text in his own time, so it’s not inconvenient to him, and he can even text you back saying, “I’ll call you at 2pm.”
The downside of this, and all texting really, is that he could miss the message, or at least claim he has.
This is where you really have to evaluate the relationship. Is he making you a priority?
Even if he’s busy, he should want to check for texts from you and respond. And if he’s lying about ever getting them? That’s a red flag…
When you take this approach, try not to be too vague so he doesn’t worry you’ve been in an accident.
Don’t say “call me,” or “can we talk?” Those are enough to produce pangs of anxiety in even the most confident man.
Instead, you should state what you want, and why, in a positive way. It could look something like “Can you call me? I just want to hear your voice!”
This technique can go a long way in motivating your man to call you.
5. Ask Him
When you’re figuring out how to get a guy to call instead of text, why not just ask him?
This is probably the most important thing you can do, and it can be paired with any other method you use.
Sit down and have a conversation with him. Explain why talking on the phone means so much to you.
If you’re not sure why you want this, but you know it’s important, spend some time thinking about it so you can have a specific reason.
You’re more likely to convince him if you can express your needs clearly.
Maybe you grew up talking on the phone and it makes you feel more connected to people.
Or perhaps you think the fact that you can’t convey tone or body language over text leads to more problems than it’s worth.
It’s possible you just like the sound of his voice and find it calming and soothing.
No matter what the reason is, try to come up with something. It’s not that you need a reason, but it’ll help you convince him.
You also have to make sure you listen to his point of view, as well. Try to understand why he doesn’t like talking on the phone so much.
If you’re bringing this up without any warning, he might not have had a chance to think about his reasons, so maybe give him some time.
No matter what reasons you each have, listen to each other and have a dialogue. Help each other compromise so you can both be happy.
6. Call Him
If you want to take the “blitz” method, call him and see if he picks up.
Try calling during a time he’s more likely to be free (i.e. during his lunch hour, right before bed, after dinner, etc.). If he doesn’t answer, leave a message or try again later!
Of course, it’s polite (and probably a good idea) to answer the phone when your girlfriend calls you.
If he’s really a keeper, he’ll text you back to tell you when he’ll call you back. Or he’ll just call you back when he’s able to.
But if he ignores the fact that you called, pretends you didn’t, or insists you talk over text, that’s a red flag. If he’s that resistant to the idea, it’s time to have a talk with him.
It could mean he’s not really taking your needs or desires into consideration. But you need to hear him out before making that decision.
7. Condition Him
When you need to know how to get a guy to call instead of text, consider the value of conditioning him.
This plays into all the other methods listed, but it’s important to explicitly state it. Get your guy in the habit of calling you, and soon it won’t be an issue.
The hard part is starting the habit, but it’ll be worth the effort you put into it!
The saying that really applies here is “fake it until you make it.” That’s all you’re asking him to do.
Whether it’s through compromise, making the experience fun, or just asking him to suck it up and deal with calling you, the more often he does it, the easier it becomes.
Still, make sure you’re being patient with him, compromising, and listening to his needs and concerns.
8. Listen To Him
The thing about phone conversations is that they have to be two people talking and listening.
That’s not necessarily the same in text, because you tend to not write paragraphs over the phone, even if you want to vent.
Make sure that when you call him, it’s not just to vent or to do all the talking yourself.
The occasional onslaught of gossip or ranting about your day may be fine. But those things are best left to face to face conversations if you’re able.
Therefore, when you call him, make sure you’re leaving him time to talk. Even if he takes a bit to respond, be comfortable with that silence. It means he’s trying.
Ask him how he’s doing today, and listen to what he has to say, even if it’s boring.
If he doesn’t feel he’s getting anything out of the conversation, he’ll think there’s no real reason to call you except to keep you from getting angry, which isn’t a good reason.
So, make sure you’re not the reason he doesn’t want to call you!
9. Make It Enjoyable
The last thing to consider when you’re learning how to get a guy to call instead of text is to how to make it more fun.
One way to condition him to talking on the phone faster is to make it enjoyable for him.
Even to start off, if he really doesn’t want to, you can promise him you’ll end the conversation with “something special” if he makes it that far.
In the best possible sense for him, this is ending the phone call with some dirty talk he (and hopefully you) can enjoy.
There are less “extreme” measures you can take to make sure you both enjoy the phone call with a few fun games.
You can play verbal games that double as “get to know you” things.
“Never Have I Ever,” “Two Truths and a Lie,” or “Would You Rather” are all fun and easy games that can really help deepen your relationship.
On a more mundane level, “21 Questions” or even “I Spy” can help you pass the time over the phone when you just want to spend time with each other but can’t be physically present.
Another thing you can do is go out of your way to ask him about something he’s interested in and likes talking about.
It may be boring for you, but that means it’ll feel extra special for him. He’ll be more likely to return the favor.
Finally, there’s everyone’s favorite — flirting.
Flirting is always fun, and if you both get into you can take it even farther with some dirty talk or even some phone sex.
This can be an excellent way in how to get a guy to call instead of text if your “deal” with him is set up properly.
You can bet he’ll come back for more if there’s even a chance you’ll do that again. Just leave him guessing if tonight will be the night when your talks go further.
Many men aren’t natural phone talkers and may be resistant to do anything other than text. But if you understand why that is, and have a strategy to address it, you can help them grow.
One of the best parts of a relationship is that it can motivate people to be better. With these insights and tricks, you can get just about any guy to talk on the phone with you!