Polyamory is becoming increasingly mainstream. But it’s something that a lot of people who live the lifestyle aren’t always comfortable being open about. It’s also still met with some skepticism and hostility in parts of society. But not here. This guide will hopefully serve you in how to find polyamorous partners and add more options to your search.
Several years ago, Ashley Madison got some bad press for being the website for cheaters and adulterers.
For the last couple years, they’ve been working on rebranding themselves less as a site for adultery, and more for consenting swingers and polyamorists.
While they still play up the affair angle, they brand themselves as the “most open-minded” and discreet dating site.
They have people of all walks of life (single, married, exploring, curious) and who want all different kinds of relationships from hooking up to getting attached.
Ashley Madison now has about 54 million users and thousands of connections are made every day.
With increased security, privacy, openness to different types of relationship, and a very large number of users, Ashley Madison is the fastest, easiest, and safest way if you’re wondering how to find other polyamorous couples and partners.
This would be my top recommendation based on my research, so fill out a free profile with photos here and if you find folks you’d really like to connect with, the $49 upgrade is well worth it.
Many of my polyamorous friends say they use an app called Feeld. It’s branded as “the Tinder for threesomes” and has over one million users.
The problem is that it only has a rating of 2.6 stars, and it’s more for hookups than it is for polyamorous people looking for serious partners.
Most of the bad reviews are based on bugginess and usability. But I interviewed several people who said they’ve had an overall good experience with the app.
Among the positive aspects, the app allows incognito mode, group chats, and couple accounts.
It includes single folks looking for more complex hookups than just one on one and also has a large user base who is gay or bisexual.
If you’d rather use a mobile app than a website (check out Feeld here), this is one of the first ones you should check out due to the large number of people who use it and the flexibility of lifestyles and features.
If you’re wondering how to find polyamorous partners, give fetlife.com a try. It’s “like Facebook, but run by kinksters.”
While kink, fetish, and BDSM are not the same thing as polyamory, there’s quite a bit of overlap between the two communities, because they all tend to require a more open approach to sexuality.
At over 8.5 million users world-wide and growing (check out Fetlife here), Fetlife has a vibrant user base that offers opportunities to meet people both local and internationally.
With the functionality of Facebook, the site offers features like groups, events, profiles, and picture and video sharing. It’s the R-rated Facebook you never knew you needed.
Most US states have “chapters” that regularly meet up for in-person fun, so you’ll be able to meet the people you see online.
If you’re looking for a nice combination of Facebook, sexuality, and meetups, this could be a great fit for you.
Okcupid.com is a popular dating site for hookups and match making. But many people consider it to be geared toward the more “traditional” relationships and hook ups.
In truth, OkCupid is a fairly average place for polyamorous users to find each other and connect.
The site has about 5 million active users (check out OkCupid here), which is a pretty decent amount, and they’re always people coming and going, meaning you’ll get a nice variety of people to choose from.
It has fun quizzes and personality profiles and gives you a “percent matching” based on what you’re looking for.
Like other apps, polyamorous users use emojis and other “codewords” to quickly communicate what kind of poly relationship they’re looking for, so they are easily identifiable on their profiles if you know what to look for.
While your actual success of finding a quality polyamorous partner may be limited, many people looking for partners like to start here because the site is relatively cheap and easy to use.
If you’re wondering how to find polyamorous partners, consider mobile apps that focus on finding people of similar interests.
Meetup is the popular app and website that lets you search by your interests and physically meet other people who share them.
Most people use Meetup to find people with which they can share a love for their hobbies.
Whether its games, a book club, flying model airplanes, fantasy football, or a pick-up baseball team, Meetup has groups for just about anything, so why should polyamory be any different?
At this point it looks like most polyamory groups are limited to larger cities like San Diego, Kansas City, and Chicago.
However, the great part about Meetup is that ANYONE can start up a group, for as little as $5 a month (check out Meetup here).
Once you do, it’ll show up for other’s who are interested or who actively search, and your group will grow!
Meetup has some serious potential that is being underused in both big cities and small towns.
It could pose some privacy issues for polyamorous people who don’t want to be outed. However, for others, it could be one of the fastest and easiest ways to find polyamorous partners.
If you’re going to be on Facebook all the time, why not use the site you’re already on instead of splitting your time on another site or app?
The good news is that Facebook has a plethora of groups for discussing polyamory and finding polyamory partners.
With just a simple search, you can find a Facebook group that is for general or international poly, or one for just your area.
Most of these groups have tens of thousands of members and multiple posts a day.
One of the benefits of using Facebook for this is that you have easy access to people’s profiles provided they don’t have privacy measures in place.
Even if they do, it’s very easy to add them as a friend to get to know them outside the poly group and see if you have interest in meeting up.
This is cheaper than a dating site (free, in fact) and is like having a one-stop shop for friends, dating, sex, and procrastination!
You can’t wonder how to find polyamorous partners without at least considering Tinder. It is, after all, the quintessential hook-up and dating app.
While really not the first choice for most polyamorous people, it deserves at least a mention in any list that deals with finding partners.
There’s no denying it, Tinder has its problems, even for most “mainstream” dating intentions.
It also isn’t particularly poly-friendly, as the user interface and search methods doesn’t lend itself to the complexity of communication that polyamorous partners need to make their lifestyle work.
Even so, if you’re looking for poly hook up rather than a partner, this is a relatively easy place to start.
I’ve been told there’s quite a lot of poly people hiding on Tinder, using their own codes to communicate their intentions.
If you know what you’re looking for, you can find a few quality people for a casual partnership.
Pride parades are an excellent event at which to meet other polyamorous people.
While it’s debatable whether a straight polyamorous person is actually part of the LGBTQ community, there is a large crossover between the demographics because a lot of poly people are also gay, bisexual, or pansexual.
Pride parades are more common in countries outside the United States.
However, there’s still many cities that host them at least yearly. And there may be regularly scheduled “minor” pride events if you’re in a large city like San Diego, Chicago, or New York.
You’re nearly guaranteed to find polyamorous allies at these events, and it’s likely you’ll find even more than that.
With the open sexuality of non-heteronormative people often comes an openness, or at the very least a curiosity, toward polyamory.
So, if you’re at a pride parade or event and see someone you’re interested in, get to know them. You might just find that they’re the polyamorous partner you’ve been looking for.
When you’re wondering how to find polyamorous partners, consider the growing number of Poly Conventions around the country and around the world.
Like Comicon for the polyamorous lifestyle, Poly Conventions offer a way to physically meet with other poly people, attend panels and events, and celebrate love.
Most of these conventions have anywhere between 20 people and 500 people. This seems relatively small when you think of the size of comic book or gaming conventions.
But many of them only have that capacity.
They are designed to be more intimate, and in many places, polyamory is still relatively taboo, so they either can’t get large facilities or prefer to keep a low profile.
Even so, the locations in which poly conventions are popping up increases every year, as does their attendance.
With a quick Google search, I found popular poly conventions in Tucson, Manhattan, Denver, Boise, Portland, Mt. Storm (West Virginia), Chicago, Washington (DC), Columbus, Minneapolis, Dallas, Atlanta, Vernonia (Oregon), Eastern New Hampshire, Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, and several cities in Canada.
It’s likely that even if there’s not one in your state, you can find one regionally!
Among “monogamous” daters, nothing strikes an equal amount of fear, hope, and desperation in their hearts like two words: blind date.
But this timeless tradition of matchmaking can be effective and is one of the go-to methods of dating — have mutual friends set you up.
Polyamorous couples aren’t any different, except the “setting up” doesn’t typically happen until the mutual friend knows both parties are polyamorous.
This lifestyle isn’t typically something you share right off the bat or with every stranger you meet on the street.
Depending on the person and how trusting they are, it can take a variable amount of time before the friendship is at that point.
But once it is, I’m told that people usually have more polyamorous friends than they realize. The scenario plays out like this:
Poly Couple: “Hey, we’ve been friends for a while now, and we trust you as a couple. We wanted to let you know that we’re poly. It’s an important part of our life, so we wanted you to be aware. Let us know if you have any questions, we’re happy to talk about it.”
Friend: “Wow that’s awesome! You know what? I have a couple of other friends and couples that are also poly. Do you know Bill and Jane Smith? Or Susie Q? No? Well I’ll introduce you. I don’t know if they’re your type, but maybe you’ll hit it off.”
Your mutual friend doesn’t have to be poly. But it’s likely if they’ve become your friend that they know other poly people.
This is perhaps the most organic way of meeting polyamorous partners and can lead to beautiful friendships as well!
When you’re wondering how to find polyamorous partners, consider just living your life like you normally would.
When it comes down to it, poly people are exactly like everyone else. They hang out in the same places, have the same interests, and require the same needs.
They live their lives like everyone else, so you can meet them in the same ways — bars, events, restaurants, etc.
You may not know they’re poly when you meet them, but it usually doesn’t take long to come up. You’ll be able to tell soon enough, and be able to figure out if the interest in each other is mutual!
The great thing about polyamorous people is that they tend to be extremely honest, open, and communicative about what they want and how they feel.
The lifestyle really doesn’t work without that, because you’re multiplying every problem that a monogamous relationship would have.
So, keep your eyes open. Visit social circles, events, and places where polyamorous people are more likely to be.
Find someone you like and let them know you’re interested. If they share your attraction, you’re in luck. But even if they don’t, they probably know someone who’s right for you! It’s not all that different from “mainstream” dating, is it?