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how to approach your guy crush MAIN

There’s nothing like having a crush to make you feel like an insecure teenager all over again. Most guides will give you rather obvious methods about how to approach your guy crush. But these don’t tell you how to handle the fear of doing so. 

Even the most strong and confident women can have insecurities when trying to approach their crush. But with a little coaching, you can gain confidence and overcome anxiety in snagging him.

Below are seven steps to not only managing your doubts about asking your crush out. But to stealthily win him over and even get him to ask you out, if that’s what you want:

confident woman

1. Fake Confidence

First, it’s OK to be a bit nervous around your crush. It’s ok to fear approaching him. 

The best thing you can do is not allow that fear to keep you from being around him, and even gain confidence to make it easier next time you have a crush.

The first step to gaining confidence, and not letting it keep you from what you want, is to fake having it. That’s right, “fake it until you make it.” 

Pretend you’re someone else, if you must, and get into character. One way to do this is to act like you already have what you want.

Faking confidence is important for a few different reasons:

It will help you build your confidence. This will help you be around him more often without being awkward, and you can just be yourself. It’ll be more likely that you’ll be comfortable asking him out, and you’ll be able to take rejection easier, just in case.

If you’re not ready for him to know you’re interested, it will help hide the fact. If you get all nervous and awkward around him, he’s going to know you like him and that opens you up to rejection.

It will make you more attractive, not only to him, but to other guys as well. This means he’s more likely to want to date you and may eventually even become jealous if other guys start asking you out.

how to approach your guy crush studying together

2. Commit To A Friendship First

When you’re worrying about how to approach your guy crush, one of the best ways to take the pressure off yourself is temporarily change your expectations. You can still have the goal of going out with him, but if you tell yourself you just want to be friends first, there’s less pressure, and thus less fear. It also has the following benefits:

Solid Foundation: The best relationships are built on friendships. Sure, it takes longer, but it also tends to last longer. You have more common ground and experiences to build off, and interests to share that are more than just romantic.

No Strings Attached. Starting as friends gives you time to get to know him (and him, you), without the emotional baggage of a relationship. He might not be as awesome as you thought, or you might find other things you like about him. If you’re able to find these things out as friends, it will bring a lot of depth to the relationship, and you’re free to decide what you want from him without risking a breakup or other painful emotional encounter.

Presence. You get an excuse to be around him without the pressure of being “on a date” or “in a relationship.” You’re freer to be yourself, and there’s no pressure to plan dates or outings — you can just “hang out” with each other, which are some of the best moments.

One downside of this approach is that you risk getting friend-zoned, but if you follow the rest of these steps, it’s less likely to become an issue.

young adult church group

3. Always Be Around

You might have heard the saying “familiarity breeds contempt,” But when it comes to the early stages of a relationship, the opposite is actually true: “proximity breeds attraction.” 

When you’re planning how to approach your guy crush, the goal is to become someone who he wants to see every day.

Find ways to sneakily insert yourself into his life and if he’s not completely self-absorbed, he’ll come to see you as a crucial part of his life. From there, it’s just a small step to “let’s go out.”

Here’s some ways to do it without being pushy, and which can minimize the risk of rejection:

Establish the same hangout places. Figure what bar, church, library, etc. he hangs out at and start going there. You don’t necessarily have to interact with him but put yourself some place where he will see you there regularly. Eventually, he’ll probably approach you. This also gives you a common talking point.

Get on the same work projects. If you share the same workplace or classroom, get on the same projects.  Are you the project coordinator? Get him on your team! If you’re not, put yourself in a position to be assigned with him. Then show him what you’ve got and he’ll be impressed!

Stage an encounter. I’m not recommending crashing into his car or anything, but you can “run into him” on purpose and make it seem like a random encounter. Like something out of a cheap Rom-Com, this encounter has a chance to help stars align and get your foot in the door. Seriously though, don’t literally run into him.

attractive girl in class

4. Be Attractive

There’s no doubt that looks are important, especially to men, but attraction is also so much more than that when it comes to how to approach your guy crush. 

Whenever you know you’re going to be around him, whether it’s work or play, make sure you’re looking and acting your best.

This doesn’t mean you always have to be wearing makeup and a hot dress, even sweatpants and a messy bun can be attractive to guys. 

Rather, what this means, is always present yourself in the best possible way. Don’t be fake. You’ll have your off days, but always try to show the best parts of yourself.

This does mean using good hygiene, trying to be fashionable, and using words and actions appropriate to your setting, but it doesn’t mean you always have to spend an hour getting ready to see him.

This has some added benefit when other men find you attractive, as well. This could potentially make him a little jealous if you’ve been around each other long enough. 

Dressing and acting to impress will also improve your confidence and will make you more resilient if you do eventually get rejected. 

He may not like you, but you’re hot, and it’s guaranteed that some guy will appreciate everything you have to offer.

how to approach your guy crush attractive couple

5. Compliment Him

When you’re nervous about how to approach your guy crush, consider that consistent compliments are one way to help someone become attracted to you. 

We naturally want to spend time around people who make us feel good. Focusing on the things you like about him can help keep you going when you’re doubting your relationship.

Giving him consistent compliments also has other benefits: 

It takes the attention off of you and puts it on him. He might like the limelight, but even if he can’t take a compliment, he’ll secretly like it and it’ll be good for him. You’re less likely to internalize those feelings of doubt and won’t spend time running them through your head. You won’t need to ask “does he like me” anymore. Every time you’re tempted to worry about what he thinks of you, make one note about you like about him.

He might start to return the compliments. This will make you feel great, bolster your confidence, and give you some idea about what he looks for in a partnership. If you hear him complimenting you about things, accentuate those next time you meet him.

If he doesn’t return the compliments he may not be interested, or he may enjoying the compliments a little too much. This is the point where you want to evaluate if he’s really worthy of you. No one wants to be with someone who is overly self-centered. Even if he doesn’t like you as more than a friend, he should still be returning compliments.

If he doesn’t return the compliments he may not be interested, or he may enjoying the compliments a little too much. This is the point where you want to evaluate if he’s really worthy of you. No one wants to be with someone who is overly self-centered. Even if he doesn’t like you as more than a friend, he should still be returning compliments.

If you really want to be sneaky and throw him off, compliment other people too. If you focus all your compliments on him, he (and everyone else) will be able to tell you have a thing for him. 

This might be OK, if you’re ready to tip your hand, but you’re probably not there yet.

But if you compliment other people, he’ll end up thinking you’re a generally positive person and not just giving him all your focus. 

Other people will like you too, and positive, uplifting people are attractive.

group of friends smiling

6. Get To Know His Friends And Family

This could be hard to do depending on where you know him from. But if you have the opportunity to endear yourself to his friends and family, do so. 

If you know him from work, you can try to insert yourself into the same circle of friends.

There are a few instances, like if you’re in his life through church or another more casual relationship than work, where you can get to know his family on a more familiar basis. 

If you have a chance to do this, it can be extremely valuable.

Getting to know these people gives you an insight into hidden parts of his life and can help you woo and attract him. 

It also inserts yourself into his life even more — not a bad tactic in how to approach your guy crush by any means.

If his friends and family talk about you when you’re not there, he’ll be exposed to the idea of you almost constantly.

Just make sure you’re not creepy about this. Allow it to happen naturally and don’t force yourself on his family and circle of friends. 

If they like you, it’s a good sign. But if they don’t it’s probably a sign the relationship wasn’t meant to be.

girl playing hard to get

7. Play Hard To Get

When the time comes that he starts to pursue you, play hard to get. Unless he’s explicitly asked you out on a date and is very interested in you, of course. 

This may seem counter-intuitive, but this is what you wanted, right? You want to put yourself in the best possible position for a successful relationship. 

If you’re friends, this will be a hard line to tread, but follow these suggestions:

If he’s just flirting you, that’s a nice step, but sometimes flirting is fun and it doesn’t guarantee he’s interested in you. Don’t fall for it, and don’t get your hopes up. You can still be friends but ramp it up just bit.

Flirt back with him. Don’t initiate it, but respond when he does it. When you’re done, just wink at him and play it off as nothing. The idea is to keep him wondering if you’re really interested or not, while keeping just confident enough to pursue you.

Keep hanging out with him as friends, but if you’ve been in a group before, start hanging out in a more exclusive nature. It’s not a date, and you don’t have to do anything formal, but this will help you keep him interested without tipping your hand too much.

Gently push the conversations toward more intimate topics. Start asking him more personal questions and start offering more personal information. This brings the intimacy level from friendship to partner and is the bedrock of any lasting relationship.

Don’t do this too long or you risk losing him. Just do it long enough for him to realize he wants you and make him ask you out. This is also the point where you can turn the tables and ask him out. It’s likely at this point your confidence is up and you know he’ll say yes!

Once he officially asks you out and seems like he will be committed and exclusive to you, you can stop playing hard to get. 

Go out with him, enjoy being his girlfriend, and start taking the relationship further.

Worrying about how to approach your guy crush can make you very anxious, and that’s very understandable. 

But if you take these steps, build confidence in yourself, and keep your goal in mind, you’ll not only snag him, but probably stealthily convince him to ask you out!

One Response

  1. Angeli Pacatang December 9, 2019

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