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Anybody who has had their heart broken knows that the process of healing after a breakup is a long, thorny road…
What are the best ways men can heal themselves after a breakup?
1. Throw It All Away.
2. Have A Girl “Friend” To Talk To.
3. Do Not Call / Text / Email Her Or Her Friends.
4. Get To The Gym.
5. Don’t Go On A One-Night Stand Bender.
6. Don’t Let Your Family Know Until It’s Official.
7. Don’t Seek To Get Her Back.
8. Don’t Beat Yourself Up.
Looking back at my previous broken relationship, this pain lasted for nearly two years…
A lack of closure from your significant other during the breakup can add time to the pain clock, but there are variables in your control to minimize the hurt, as well.
Here are the eight above tips, in detail, men must keep handy when healing after a breakup:
1. Throw It All Away
Let's start with the hardest thing a man must do when he's forced to move on from a splintered relationship: Delete her.
Trash every photo, playlist, ticket stub or anything that brings back memories of “the good ol' days” with her.
Seriously, chuck everything…
The problem is men tend to romanticize about the good in our partner rather than acknowledging the not-so-good after they break our hearts.
We play tricks in our minds to justify being in the relationship meanwhile ignoring signs things are going sideways…
By having photos or remnants of the past lingering around while you're trying to mourn and heal, you end up putting yourself in the emotional state of still being in that relationship…
It becomes an endless rude awakening that she's gone and out of your life…
It only takes one item to trigger an emotional event, so no cheating on this one, OK?
Get a friend to hold you accountable to make sure everything that attaches you to her is purged for good.
2. Have A Girl “Friend” To Talk To
The emotions a man goes through when healing after a breakup come on fierce and hard…
You will most likely even have physical pain in your heart for months on end, like I did.
Having an objective girl in your stable of friends to talk to is key. Women are much more emotional savvy to dealing with these types of events.
On a broader level, they'll be much more patient with you as you deal with the pain for months.
Guy friends are great, but unfortunately, they won't be able to provide you the sustained support you'll need.
They'll take you out for drinks the first week after getting dumped and say “forget about her!”
Believe me, if you truly cared about this girl, you'll need much more than a week to heal.
Guys won't want to hear about it after a couple of weeks. Then, you're kind of on your own to deal with it.
Lastly, even if your friends had been through a breakup themselves, it's just hard for men to relate to that previous pain in order to try and help you through yours.
We'd rather leave it alone.
3. Do Not Call / Text / Email Her Or Her Friends
It was my first instinct to call her the next evening and ask what I did wrong.
I had no clarity or closure on what happened until nearly eighteen months later. She didn't answer.
I left messages and then I got the creative idea to appeal to her friends. Bad idea…
That got me a voicemail from her full of rage that stung me for months…
What I didn't realize at the time was that she was going through a breakup, too. I didn't acknowledge her pain, most of which she associated with me causing.
Instead, I tried to careen through a boundary by talking with her friends behind her back.
Everything we men need to actually be doing while healing after a breakup is counter intuitive. Therefore, we should not be doing the instinctual things that come to us first.
Give her space. Let her be the one to reach out. But don't assume that's going to happen.
Now, it's up to you to take care of yourself and rebuild…
4. Get To The Gym
It's crazy how us guys immediately stop doing the things that are actually helping us when healing after a split.
I remember the gym was the first thing to go, even though I loved the gym. But I was depressed and my motivation for everything had pretty much bottomed out…
If it's not the gym, then choose your physical activity of choice and up its frequency so you're doing it almost every day.
Working out produces endorphins, your body's natural antidote to pain. You'll need a lot of these those first few weeks, especially.
Making the gym a priority will also help build your confidence back up. It will also make you feel like you're taking care of yourself.
It's all about taking care of #1 right now, and that's you.
5. Don't Go On A One-Night Stand Bender
Yes, it may make you feel better in the short-term to talk (and sleep) with other girls when healing after a breakup, but you'll most likely feel terrible afterwards.
Unfortunately, this process can be excruciatingly slow and unforgiving. It just can't be rushed.
This topic goes back to our discussion of guy friends during a breakup. They're typically the ones that point you to this “solution” to get over her.
The problem is, they don't know the intricacies of the pain you're really going through...
While your heart is on the mend, you'll wake up next to these girls realizing it's not your girl. This was a painful reality I went through.
I actually believe it made my pain worse than if I hadn't done these one-nighters.
This is one of the most damaging periods in a man's life where our intuition leads us astray. So just be aware of that.
6. Don't Let Your Family Know Until It's Official
If you feel like it's 100% over with her, then by all means, let them know. You don't want to deny yourself this incredible support system when healing after a breakup.
However, if things were left uncertain where you don't really know where you stand with her, hold off until she makes it crystal clear…
I made this mistake in another relationship where there was a communication breakdown. She kind of left it up in the air, now that I look back at it.
I told my mother she broke up with me and she replied “[that girl] is dead to me…”
You know how dramatic moms can get – but seriously, when we tried to get back together, it proved problematic.
My family had already written her off and that was basically at my direction… catch my drift?
7. Don't Seek To Get Her Back
Something else breaks along with our heart when healing after a breakup: trust.
She made a conscious decision to figuratively hand you back your love. Not to be dramatic, but that's no small thing.
A lot of people out there never even find a real true love. So it's a sacred thing being “slung” back our way, to say the least.
Unless she's had her own heart broken in the past, she doesn't really realize the terror she's created for you.
Not to say it was an easy decision for her, but she doesn't have to deal with the ramifications of her actions in the same way you do.
If she begs to have you back a week or two after the fact, you really have to debate it.
If she was so quick to do this to you this time, what happens next time? And the next?
Once the trust is gone, you're better off forging a new trust with a new partner then to repair the broken one.
8. Don't Beat Yourself Up
I end this article with my best piece of advice. It's very easy for us to lump on our own shit pile of pain, because our minds and egos want someone to blame for what has just happened.
Sure, maybe you screwed up somewhere. Maybe you said the wrong thing or weren't entirely tuned in with her feelings.
But you know what? People make mistakes.
If you can embrace your flaws and give yourself the mental self-love you need during this time, then you'll literally be reducing your overall pain cycle by several months minimum…
Self-love is what saves us in these trying times.
Calm those negative voices in your brain. Treat yourself to massage or a nice meal. Be kind to yourself.
Find Inner Peace When Healing After Your Break
Sometimes things just aren't meant to work out.
If you were to dig deep and think back, there were probably signs things were going downhill well before she broke up with you. It's not your fault for not catching them at the time.
Heck, we don't know what we don't know.
A woman is not going to bring you happiness alone. You have to find that inner happiness in order to share it with her. It all starts with you.
Once you feel fully mended, slowly get back out there!