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I’m going to lead with the most helpful tip you need to hear: Get out of your head. No, seriously. You’re going to get your first kiss and it’s going to be fantastic, so don’t worry!
What are the steps to get your first kiss with her?
1. Clear Your Mind.
2. See The Kiss.
3. Set The Date.
4. Lead The Way.
5. Make Her Laugh.
6. Hold Her Hand.
7. Read Her Eyes.
8. Get The Kiss.
But, before we begin, we need to shut off the massive head game we tend to play with ourselves.
This guide is meant to serve two different kinds of men:
1. Younger men who have yet to experience their very first kiss ever
2. Men who seek to kiss a new love interest
We’re going to remove any nerves you may have about getting physical with her.
Any barriers you see in your path are artificial and self-constructed.
The truth is, she’s secretly rooting for you to make a move. We’ll even prove to yourself that’s the case with Step #6.
Don’t worry, we’ll get your head right by the end of this. That’s my one and only goal here. You with me?
Let’s tackle this right now…
1. Clear Your Mind
What are you thinking about right now? More importantly, how do those thoughts make you feel?
I’m going to make an estimated guess that if you’re reading this, you may be nervous.
If not nervous, you may just need someone else telling you that you’ve got this…
And you do.
Do me a favor. Take a deep breath. Breathe in through the nose and hold that breath for three seconds. Exhale through the mouth slowly.
Hold your hand over your heart. Now say “I’ve got this” out loud ten times to yourself slowly and confidently while imagining kissing her.
If you’ve committed to doing this exercise, you’ve just removed 99% of your negative thoughts about getting to your goal.
You are reaffirming to yourself that you’ve made a decision: You will get your first kiss.
But you will have to see it happening in your mind before you’ll be fully prepared to move in.
2. See The Kiss
Visualization can be a powerful tool. By seeing something in your mind first lets the subconscious mind know that action is possible.
There’s something else very powerful that happens when you do this: You set an intention.
When you set an intention, it frames the goal you want to achieve, a time frame for it to happen, and gets your soul behind it.
Let’s face it, if your soul isn’t on board with it, you’re not really into doing it.
Close your eyes and picture the kiss for a moment. Really get into details here…
As you lean in, what are her eyes telling you? Is she moving into you or pulling away? Where are you two? What does she smell like?…
Get the picture?
Moreover, by pairing your intention with your visualization, you are more likely to see this through and feel good about it.
It’s important to hold that good feeling when you get your first kiss with her. It will lead you to act and communicate with her beforehand like you’ve already kissed her.
That confident behavior will help lead to a successful result, because you’ll naturally be attracting her. Make sense?
3. Set The Date
When and where is the deed going down? Time to set it up!
You’ll want to pick a location that allows for a bit of privacy. I recommend doing something fun together that has you both moving around.
Why? Because you want to have her mind and body in the right state to receive your kiss.
If you’re doing something like ice-skating or hiking (season depending), you’ll get her endorphins flowing and her heart pumping.
That’s a good thing!
You don’t want a stale or static situation, like going to a movie, because her body language will be hard to read and you won’t be able to *escalate* effectively with her (more on this in Step #6).
Again, make it fun! Make sure to give her just enough information (when, where, etc.) so she can show up dressed appropriately.
But don’t tell her everything about your plan.
This will frame the date for you to lead. She’ll be looking to you for what’s next on the agenda every step of the way.
Do you see where I’m going with this? If you had an “aha” moment, three gold stars for you!
4. Lead The Way
Right from the time you confirm your date with her, plan your day or evening date in advance!
When you have a plan, it takes out unnecessary variables that may step in your way.
For instance, getting crappy service at a restaurant. We’ve all had a crummy waiter or two, and that could affect the mood of your date very easily.
But if you have a few activities lined up, you can easily move on to the next one to get the mood right again.
The idea is, you don’t want to have to think on your feet in the middle of your date. Strange things happen.
Take the guesswork out ahead of time and stick to the plan…
When you’re finally on the date, make sure your well-groomed (deodorant, fellas), and that your breath is fantastic.
Be a gentleman. Hold those doors and pull out those chairs with every opportunity you get.
Chivalry is a major plus for most women. Remember, you’re leading, so lead.
When it comes time to transition to the next activity, bring it up as if you just had the idea.
“I thought we could go grab ice cream. You game?” This will make moving to each activity seamless.
You don’t draw her attention to your pre-planning. The activities are just the backdrop. You two getting to know each other is what’s in focus.
It’s almost time to get the first kiss. You’re doing great!
READ Signs She Likes You to learn all the subtle cues she gives you when she’s into you >>
5. Make Her Laugh
This seems like a no-brainer, but it’s incredibly important.
If you’ve read any of my other posts, you’ll know I’m a big fan of David Deangelo.
His Sexual Communication course (my review here) is quite effective at teaching men how to get women to laugh the right way.
(Check out my other choice recommendations of products and programs on my Resources page here.)
He calls it Cocky & Funny. It’s a mix of being borderline arrogant, but you’re being funny about it. You’re constantly busting her balls, basically.
But, it’s something she’s enjoying A LOT.
The last thing you want to do is be boring. Be bold!
Here’s one thing I used to love doing with girls. Flip the script…
Convince yourself this girl is already madly in love with you…
For example, when the situation presents itself like you think she’s flirting with you, just give her a knowing look, then pause for a minute.
Turn to her and say “Oh, I get it.” Smile and pause again. Then shake your head while keep your smile.
Then say “Nice try. I’m not that easy. You’ll have to do better than that…”
You see what you’ve done there? You stole the line that the woman is supposed to say and *flipped the script* on her.
This tends to be very effective and you should get a playful look from her like “oh no you didn’t.” Attraction sparked!
Now just keep it up. All in all, be playful with her and have fun doing it.
You’re priming her perfectly to get your first kiss. It’s just around the corner…
6. Hold Her Hand
When going from one activity to the next, you’ll more than likely be walking somewhere.
Let’s say you have three activities set up. When transition from two to three, this is the perfect time to apply the “holding hands test.”
If the vibe is good and she’s flirting back with you, it’s time to escalate.
The best (and least obtrusive) way to do this is to try to hold her hand while walking.
If she goes for your hand and holds it, you’re doing great!
Now, to clarify, if she doesn’t hold your hand, the game isn’t over for you, you just have some more work to do.
Keep flirting and become a bit of a challenge to her during that third activity. Then afterwards, try it again.
If she goes for it the second time, well done! If not, she may not fully be into you.
Now, why hold her hand? Because if she’s willing to hold your hand, she’s more likely to be receptive to your kiss.
This is a simple and stealth way to evaluate where you currently stand with her. No need to be going into things blind.
When you’re holding hands, let her catch you looking at both of your hands, look into her eyes and say “Wow, you really like me.”
She may playfully push you and say “whatever.” That’s an excellent sign!
You ready, Romeo? Because this fire just got some gasoline thrown on it. Finally, it’s time to get your first kiss.
7. Read Her Eyes
If it were me and I was getting the feedback from her I just described above, I’d go in for the kiss right there.
This step can be skipped over if that’s the case for you. I put it here because sometimes we need that one extra sign that we’ve got the “all clear” to kiss her.
While holding her hands, stop walking and say “Hey…” Look into her eyes immediately. What do they say?
In other words, are they saying “kiss me already” or are they saying “don’t even think about it, mister?”
Being able to read a woman’s eyes while talking with her is an amazing skill set to possess.
It can save you (and her) so much time when things aren’t working out…
More importantly, you can really ramp up attraction when you can tell she’s into you with little to no words being spoken.
You’ve done the work, seamlessly moved her around from activity to activity, and now she’s holding your hand.
Certainly, you deserve a kiss now, don’t you think?
8. Get The Kiss
If the signs are there – don’t think – go for it!
When you get your first kiss, the first impression counts. It’s a big indicator to her of what type of lover you would be.
Don’t get too technical with it. Be in the moment with her and let your natural libido guide your instincts.
Firstly, move in slowly, look her in the eyes. As you close them. Let her meet you in the middle.
Take your time and no tongue on this first one. Focus on the upper or lower lip.
Secondly, you want to almost pin either lip between yours while slightly sucking on them.
Just make sure you’re matching her actions and her speed and you’re all good, but be the first to end it.
Lastly, always end a date on a high note. You swept in for a kiss, and now it’s time to get out of there…
Leave her wanting more!
The next time you see her, you’ll be able to progress through these steps much faster and escalate to the next level.
I’d make it a point to reach out to her within 24 hours. Let her know you had a really good time!
You’ll ultimately be reaching out again within a week to set up your next adventure together.
Planting Early Seeds
In conclusion, if you’re attracted to a girl, you want that very first moment meeting them to count.
Therefore, first impressions are huge. Are you a potential friend or a potential lover?
As you can see, those two categories are oceans apart from one another.
Are you going to bring up the same boring topics to talk about or are you going to be different?
Sexual communication lets her know “hey, you should pay attention to me because I’m fun, I’m a challenge, and I’m a worthy sexual pursuit…”
To sum up, you’ll plant the seed in her head that you’ll be leading the interactions with her moving forward.
Certainly, there will be kissing and other things to come.
Hallo there Ryan,
I am very grateful for the detailed walkthrough of getting the kiss done. I didn’t really think I would get quite helpful advice as I got here. I have to admit I have been really nervous throughout this week.
The kiss was to happen like 5 days ago but I have been avoiding the girl because every time I see her, my stomach become full with butterflies.
I have tried doing steps 1 to 3 and I have seen a great improvement. I am going to go through all the steps in my kind this night and get it over and done with tomorrow.
Thanks a lot for the advice mate.
Saved me big time.
Hey Dave!
Let’s get that kiss done sir! If she’s hanging out with you more than once, chances are she’s ready for you to advance. Just remember to evaluate the signs. It’s all in her body language. You’ve got this!
Let me know when the magic happens! Talk soon! -R
Great post, Had I stumbled upon this post earlier, I wouldn’t have mess with my last date,am the shy type and not too good at taking chances. Having gone through this post,my confidence is awaken and I am so sure am not messing anything up on my date.Honestly I can’t wait to get my first kiss.
You’ll get it your first kiss soon, Clement! You must see the kiss to be the kiss.
The visualization exercise I discuss in the guide can be very helpful if you practice it. Don’t worry about what you “think” you did or did not mess up on previous dates. Start with a clean slate today!
Stay the course, buddy! -R
LOL, I am happily married, so I will not likely be able to put your methods into action. I do, however, have several nephews who might well be able to take away a few good pointers. As a matter of fact, I might well implement these as mine and pass them along from uncle to nephews. Only if that’s alright with you, of course. Very humorous and practical article though, seriously good.
Be a good uncle and take my material! Haha! All yours, brother!
Hopefully the nephews can start their dating game on great footing without any bad habits. If they can become masters of body language, they’ll do great (and women will appreciate it too!).
Lemme know how the boys respond to this stuff! I’d love to help shred years off their learning curves 🙂 -R
I read David DeAngelo’s book “Double Your Dating” a while ago when I was struggling with my dating life. I guess it was one of the first books that I found actually valuable in the dating world. It was not the one that helped me go through my shyness though. Nice article anyway, the visualization techniques can be very powerful if done right – and in a peaceful environment. Keep it up!
Totally Ben! Was glad I got woke after reading “Double Your Dating” as well!
I’m curious, how did you end up getting through your shyness? I was definitely there myself and just insisted on interacting with as many women as possible to the point where I wouldn’t even think about it anymore.
Any, thanks for sharing! -R
Aha, Ryan. You have reminded me to my husband “first kiss”. Yes, he hold my hand at our first date. He kissed me when we were watching a movie. Of course I did not remember what story the film told about, ha ha ha… I don’t know whether he had planned it before or it was a reflective action. But after reading your article I am pretty sure that he had planned it, ha ha.
He totally planned it, Melani! Haha 🙂
Guys typically go in with an intention and work out the details on the fly! I’m glad he was able to execute and deliver. Most guys will back out unless the scenario is *perfect.* It’s one of the biggest things holding guys back. Part of the reason I started DaterBoy was to help men (and women) bust through this barrier and get out of their heads.
Thanks for reading! -R
This is a cool way of thinking as well as the steps that are broken down to help. I can agree with most of the steps and have to say that having confidence or even faking it when going through these actions will help you achieve your goals faster and more efficiently! I guess I did not realize there was so much thought put into a kiss but helps me appreciate the strength it takes to make a move.
Well, I’d like to think guys put in a lot of thought into the kiss initially, Alisha!
Unfortunately, we men can be poor planners. However, if we have an effective road map to achieve something, we can totally crush the task! Hopefully, this will be the first guide of many!
Thank you! -R