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Finding the right woman can be quite difficult. It may seem right away she’s a winner, but usually you don’t know until much, much later.
How do you know if you’ve found the right woman?
1. She Speaks Well Of You.
2. She Uses Your Love Language.
3. She Loves (Or Tolerates) Your Family.
4. She Doesn’t Have Money Problems.
5. Bad Sex Is OK.
6. She’s Into Self-Improvement.
7. She Doesn’t Nag.
8. You’ve Seen Each Other At Your Worst.
Often, it takes at least three months to settle into a relationship and tell if it’s working and if you’re a good fit together.
If you’ve been dating at least three months and she can check off all these eight qualities, you’ve found a winner of a woman.
Work your butt off to deserve her! Here are those qualities laid out in detail:
1. She Speaks Well Of You
Have you ever had a situation where you meet someone new and you already have a “reputation” because they know your girlfriend?
Or, how about when you hear from a friend or family member that your girlfriend says bad things or complains about you when you’re not around?
That does not foster mutual affection in a relationship…
This is toxic. In a winning, healthy relationship, it’s the opposite.
How you talk about each other when you’re not together says a lot about what you think of each other.
It affects how other people view your relationship and whether they support you being together.
If you respect each other, you won’t “air your dirty laundry” to other people. You care about each other’s image and reputation.
If your good reputation precedes you, it’s likely because your girl only talks well of you. She keeps her complaints between you and her.
It may be unbelievable, and it is a rare quality to find in any person, but a woman who personifies this quality will vent about your relationship to only one person: you.
If this is still going on after three months, it’s a good sign. It means that even with the “honeymoon period” over, she’s mature enough to respect you.
Make sure you do the same. Don’t gripe about her to your buddies. It’s tempting, but it doesn’t foster a healthy relationship.
2. She Uses Your Love Language
If you’re interested in finding the right woman, you need to read my article all about the 5 love languages here.
You may think they’re “too feminine” or emotional. You may think it’s hokey “feelings stuff” and you can do just fine without them.
Get over it.
If you want a winning relationship, you need to learn how to give and receive affection. That’s all the love languages really are.
A person unable to both give and receive love will never have a healthy relationship…
Knowing the basics of the love languages will give you an advantage over every many who doesn’t know about them!
Briefly, the love languages are 1. physical touch, 2. words of affirmation, 3. quality time, 4. acts of service, and 5. gift giving.
You can “speak” multiple love languages, but usually people prefer to give and receive affection in one dominant way.
It’s important to note that physical touch is more than just sex, by the way. We all love sex, but that doesn’t mean it’s the best way for us to give or receive love.
When you have a quality woman, she’ll go out of her way to express affection and love in the way she knows you best receive it.
It may not be the way she prefers to show it, but that doesn’t matter. She gives you what you need.
It takes time to know how someone gives and receives love, so this may take even longer than three months to establish.
But once you notice this become a pattern in your relationship, it’s a solid sign that she’s in it for the long haul.
It means she’ll be able to meet many of your needs. Make sure you reciprocate!
3. She Loves (Or Tolerates) Your Family
Family is important. It can break or cement relationships, especially if they play an active role in your life.
They can also be the source of most solid and consistent support for your relationship.
She doesn’t have to get along “buddy buddy” with your family (although if that happens that’ll reduce a large amount of stress in your relationship).
But being able to have a good time with them makes those inevitable family gatherings so much easier.
Everybody’s family is annoying at times. Even if she doesn’t get along with them, she needs to be able to tolerate them without too much stress.
If she can’t, that stress is going seep into your relationship…
She might sincerely want to get along with your family. Unfortunately, that’s not always enough.
If you notice that your relationship is consistently strained after seeing your family, it’s a sign she’s not the right one for you…
It may not be because there is something wrong or immature with her. It may not be because your family is insufferable (though they may be).
While it may be tempting to alienate your family for a relationship, don’t forsake them for a woman unless your family has shown to be a consistently negative and unhealthy influence on your life.
Sometimes, through no one’s fault, relationships just don’t work out.
With the right woman in a winning relationship, you won’t need to be concerned about it.
4. She Doesn’t Have Money Problems
Financial stability should be a primary issue when finding the woman that’s right for you.
Money is one of the top three things even healthy relationships fight about. Mitigating the issue is key.
Ideally, she won’t have any debt. A little debt shouldn’t be a complete deal breaker though, especially if she is young. Such things are practically unavoidable today.
Rather, this is about mindset: Does she have a healthy relationship with money? What is her attitude about paying off her debt?
If she shops too much, has a shopping addiction, spends money to “get even,” or thinks buying things is “catharsis” those are huge red flags…
Is she honest about how many credit cards she has? Are you able to talk about money without her getting defensive?
Does she think about purchases before making them, or is her closet full of impulse buys?
By the time you hit three months in a relationship, you should know the answers to all these questions.
A woman worth keeping will be open, honest, and moderate with her money.
You should both be on the same page with how you want to spend your money.
If either of you have spending problems, you need to figure out your stuff before getting into a long-term relationship.
It’s a hard truth, but the right woman won’t complicate your life with these problems.
5. Bad Sex Is OK
We’d all like to believe that great relationships have great sex every single time (and often of course)!
Sorry, but that’s not the case, even if TV shows and modern culture portray it that way.
A woman who is part of a great relationship will realize that.
Relationships go through ebbs and flows. Sometimes the sex comes often and is great.
Sometimes it dries up or just isn’t that good. Usually, it’s somewhere in between…
Everyone has off days. Sometimes it will be you. Sometimes it will be her.
After three months, you’ve probably experienced at least one of these ebbs and flows.
If she handled it with understanding and didn’t make a huge deal about it, it’s a huge sign she’s worth keeping around.
Sex is great. It’s necessary for a healthy relationship. But it’s not all a relationship should be based on.
If she can’t love you through occasional bad sex, if she can’t love you for more than your body and the pleasure it can give her, she’s probably not the right woman for you.
6. She’s Into Self-Improvement
Relationships grow and stagnate alongside the people in them. If your woman is willing to change and improve herself, it’s likely your relationship will have a resiliency that can last a long time.
If neither of you are willing to improve, your relationship is doomed. What’s the popular phrase? Adapt or die…
Discovering the right woman is about finding someone dedicated to personal improvement.
By the time you’ve been together three months, you should’ve seen some evidence of this.
If she reads self-help or motivational books, it’s likely she’s ambitious and trying to be the best version of herself possible.
How does she react when you bring up a concern about her actions? Does she address mistakes she’s made, or is she unaware or purposely ignorant of them?
If she can admit fault, apologize, and you see her taking steps to change herself, you have a rare woman that can weather almost any storm in a relationship.
Humility, forgiveness, introspection, and understanding — these are all internal qualities that show your woman will be able to grow and change through almost any challenge in your relationship.
Another good sign of this is a woman who has an exercise routine.
Going to the gym, eating healthy, or having a system that promotes mental, physical, and emotional at home is not only super attractive, but also a sign that you could have a long relationship with this woman.
7. She Doesn’t Nag
I don’t know a single guy that responds well to nagging. In fact, it causes most guys to shut down and be more obstinate.
This is a vicious circle that leads to a lot of resentment…
And yet plenty of women still do it. These women either do not know or refuse to admit how damaging nagging can be to a relationship.
It leads to contempt and signals horrible communication. Finding the right woman includes finding a girl who won’t nag you.
Here’s the thing: Nagging happens when you don’t do what she asks of you, but it’s still neither effective nor mature.
A winning woman will be able to convince you to do things without consistently resorting to anger, emotional manipulation, complaining, or other unhealthy communication techniques.
Sure, if you’re an ass she’s not going to be happy with you. But mature adults know how to express their needs and respond to other people’s.
If after three months you’ve found she nags very rarely, if at all, it’s a good sign you’re in a healthy relationship that has the ability to last for a long time.
8. You’ve Seen Each Other At Your Worst
A true test of love is whether a person can still love you when one (or both) of you is going through your worst moments.
You may have to wait more than three months to figure this part out, but it’s likely that you’ve had at least one extremely stressful day or week.
It’s likely one or both of you lashed out, said something you regret, or put extreme stress on your relationship.
No matter how healthy your relationship is, this is guaranteed to happen occasionally in a long term, committed relationship.
If your relationship, communication, and intimacy got stronger through that experience, you have found a rare gem of a woman.
It is likely without some of the qualities discussed before — the ability for self-improvement, to give and receive affection, and to think well of you even when you’re fighting — that you were able to get through this.
Even with those abilities though, some people just give up when things get tough.
When a woman is able to love you through your most difficult times, it means she is committed to you, and that is one of the most important qualities in a relationship.
You can never really be sure how solid your relationship is until you’ve gone through something that challenges it.
But if you make it, you’re set.
Hold On To Her
Finding the right woman becomes easy once you know what to look for.
Women who are mature enough for a healthy, long term relationship are very rare, and should be valued.
In fact, these same qualities could be used by her to determine if you’re the “right man.”
So, make sure you’re being the type of person you want to be with.
These qualities won’t be apparent right away in a relationship, and that’s OK.
They are the foundation of every healthy relationship and take time to identify.
But once you do, don’t mess it up.