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While some men may be hard to read and you ask yourself “does he like me or is he just being nice,” there are some sure signs that he’s interested and not just being nice.
A lot of these signs are unconscious responses to being attracted to someone, so most men won’t be able to hide them!
If you see a majority of these 12 signs, you can be sure he’s interested:
1. He’ll Lick His Lips
If he likes you: When a guy licks his lips, especially repeatedly, it’s a sure sign of physical and sexual attraction.
It might also mean he’s nervous.
His nervousness is good for you because it means he has something to lose by talking to you. Chewing on his lip is another sign he’s nervous in a good way.
On a subconscious level, he’s thinking about you sexually and what he wants to do to you with his lips. He’s also making his lips look particularly kissable.
If it’s just nervousness, look for the other nervous signs (airing out his shirt). Then, you’ll know he’s looking for more than just a conversation.
If he’s just being nice: It’s possible he’s just being nice if you see he has chapped lips or if he’s liberally applying chapstick while you talk.
The other signs will be absent, or he’ll only lick his lips once rather than repeatedly.
How to respond: For most of these signs, you should “return in kind.” Lick your lips, or even bite them in a particularly sexy manner.
Smile your best flirty smile or purse your lips as though you’re deep in thought. These will make you irresistible. Try not to hold his nervousness against him!
2. He’ll Control The Conversation
If he likes you: When you’re wondering “does he like me or is he just being nice,” consider if he takes control of the conversation.
If he likes you, he wants to appear in control because that’s attractive to women.
He’ll want to steer you away from things he doesn’t want to tell you. He’ll avoid embarrassing stories or facts about his life.
Of course, he’ll want to know certain things about you, things he considers important before he asks you out.
If he’s just being nice: When he’s just being nice, he’s going to care more about being polite than about being attractive.
He’ll talk about or admit things you wouldn’t want a stranger to know, and he won’t fish for things from you.
How to respond: You have two options.
- Let him be in control, answer his questions and let him brag about himself a bit.
- Play hard to get. Push back by trying to wrest control of the conversation in a tangle of mental and verbal foreplay.
Which one you do depends on your (and his) personality. But option #1 is always going to be the “safe” response if you want to guarantee you get a date.
3. His Eyebrows Will Spasm
If he likes you: I’m not talking about a blepharospasm here, that annoying and incessant eye twitch you get when you haven’t slept enough.
I’m simply talking about a raised eyebrow, the kind you do automatically when something catches your interest.
This is an uncontrollable micro-response and is a sure sign he finds you interesting and wants to know more.
His eyebrow will raise when he sees you or you say something interesting.
If he’s just being nice: This one is hard to control, but people do it for all sorts of reasons.
Take in the context with the rest of the signs before you try to decide, “does he like me or is he just being nice?”
How to respond: You should flirt with him and see what sort of things make that eyebrow pop again. You can even do this from across the room if you don’t want to approach him yet.
You can also change your body language to show that you’re open to him approaching you. It’s likely if he’s genuinely interested, he’ll come to you and strike up a conversation and spend quite a long time doing so.
4. He’ll Correct His Posture
If he likes you: Posture says a lot about our health and how we think of ourselves. A good posture communicates health, confidence, and power.
He’ll want to project all these things, so he’ll make sure he’s sitting or standing straight with his head up and shoulders square.
If he really wants to build a rapport with you, he’ll turn his body toward you and mirror your posture.
He’ll do this not only to feel connected with you, but to close off the intrusion of any other men into the conversation.
If he’s just being nice: He’s not going to care about his posture. He might allow himself to slouch, and his body language won’t try to mirror yours or close off others.
How to respond: Be aware of your posture and change it to mirror his. Compliment him on his looks and drop subtle hints that you know he’s confident and influential in whatever he does.
5. He’ll Air Out His Shirt
If he likes you: If he’s interested and attracted to you, he’s likely sweating because he’s nervous or aroused.
Airing out his shirt is a way to minimize the effect of the sweat to prevent a poor response from you.
He could also be airing out his shirt could also be a subconscious way of mustering confidence to talk to you or releasing stress.
This is like taking a deep breath, cracking your knuckles, or pumping yourself up.
If he’s just being nice. He’s probably still going to air out his shirt, because no one likes to be sweaty while they’re talking to other people.
If it’s not hot where you are, he’s probably airing out his shirt to gain confidence or because he’s nervous, otherwise you can’t use this sign to be sure he likes you.
How to respond: Be nice to him and try not to let the fact that he’s sweating turn you off. Give the guy a chance. He really wants to talk to you but you’re so amazing, he’s nervous.
6. His Voice Will Go Higher
If he likes you: If you’re wondering, “does he like me or is he just being nice,” one way to tell is to listen to his voice.
Many times, whether he’s nervous or excited, his arousal will cause his voice to go higher. He’s probably not thrilled about it, but it’s not going to keep him from talking to you.
If he’s just being nice: His voice won’t really be affected. Some men might not be affected even if they are interested, so this is a hard one to gauge all by itself.
Look for other context clues to make sure he likes you.
How to respond: Make your voice low and sultry. This will make it sound sexy and let him know you’re interested. Ignore the fact that his voice is higher, he can’t help it.
7. He’ll Be Staring
If he likes you: Men are visual beings — we are attracted to things through our eyes (rather than emotional connection), and we usually can’t help but communicate when something catches our attention.
Beauty captivates us, so if he can’t take his eyes off you, he’s not trying to be creepy, he just thinks you’re stunning!
If he’s just being nice: He’ll make a bit of eye contact, probably look you over once or twice, maybe even smile, but he won’t stare at you.
How to respond: I’m sorry this probably comes off as creepy. Try not to hold it against him. If you’re interested, you should catch his eye and smile.
You could even motion for him to come over, or you could walk over and start a conversation yourself!
8. He’ll Maintain Eye Contact
If he likes you: Humans aren’t really wired to maintain eye contact for more than a few seconds, especially with strangers.
If he’s gazing deep into your eyes, even during a prolonged conversation, he’s definitely into you. By maintaining eye contact for more than six or seven seconds, it means he’s definitely into you.
If he’s just being nice: He won’t maintain prolonged eye contact, because it’ll be too uncomfortable for someone with whom he doesn’t have an intimate connection.
He’ll look you in the eyes for three or four seconds and then look someplace else.
How to respond: Maintain the same level of eye contact toward him. This will let him know you feel the same way.
The other option is to play coy and shy. Tease him with your eyes, looking away frequently, and bite your lip. This will make him feel extremely masculine.
9. He’ll Compliment You
If he likes you: One way to tell, “does he like me or is he just being nice,” is see if he gives you random compliments.
“Unprovoked” or unwarranted compliments are one of the biggest signs a guy is interested in you.
Not only does it mean he’s noticing things about you. But he wants to endear himself to you and make you feel good.
If he’s just being nice: He might compliment you once or twice if you’re not fishing for compliments, but it won’t be to the same level, or about the same things, as if he’s interested in you.
You’ll be able to tell by the tone of his voice if he’s interested or being nice.
How to respond: Accept the compliment graciously, compliment back on things when you can, and whatever he compliments, use that to your advantage.
If he compliments your hair, play with it as you talk to him — you’re accentuating what he already likes!
10. He’ll Bumble His Words
If he likes you: Much like sweating profusely or biting his lip, he may bumble words if he’s nervous!
Mumblings, mixing up words, forgetting what he was trying to say, or rambling on and on when he should stop are all included in this.
If he’s just being nice: He might be socially anxious, but most likely if he’s just being nice in talking to you he’s not going to have too much trouble speaking with you.
Used context clues to decide if he’s just a shy guy, or if he’s nervous because he likes you.
How to respond: Give the guy a break! Hopefully you can look at this as endearing or cute and have mercy on him. Laugh it off and tell him he’s cute to put him at ease.
11. He’ll Escalate Through Touch
If he likes you: Touch is the most electric and obvious way to flirt with another person.
While it can mean he’s overstepping his bounds, especially if he’s not really interested, it’s nearly always a sure sign he’s interested.
He might brush your shoulder or elbow or do any other number of minor to moderate physical gestures to show he’s interested.
If he’s just being nice: If he’s just being nice, he shouldn’t be flirting through touch. But some men just have that personality.
Still, if you’re experiencing this, it’s relatively safe to assume he’s not just being nice.
How to respond: Meet him touch for touch: gentle touches or brushes of your hand to his elbows, arms, hands, or shoulder are all valid if he’s given you the go-ahead by flirting with you or touching you first.
If you don’t appreciate the touch, close your body language or tell him outright he’s moving too quickly for you!
12. He’ll Be Sexual
If he likes you: Sexual touch can definitely be uninvited or inappropriate, but it undoubtably communicates he’s interested in you.
He may use suggestive (or explicit) sexual language or touch more than just your shoulders. If you’ve welcomed this, you’ve hit the gold mine. This guy is putty in your hands.
If he’s just being nice: He won’t be acting this way if he’s a “nice guy” who’s not interested in sex or dating you. If he’s not interested, he’s being a creep and you need to shut him down.
How to respond: If you’re at a place where you like this from him, reciprocate. If this has gone too far, express your discomfort, and either cut off contact, or allow him the chance to apologize.
You can look to these 12 signs as the answer to your question “does he like me or is he just being nice?”
An interested guy probably isn’t’ going to do all of these, especially if he’s not nervous to talk to you. But if you see multiple signs, you can bet he’s doing more than just being nice.
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I’ve worked with this guy for well over a year, we share the same group of friends, and eat lunch together weekly. He’s always subtly flirted with me, i.e. grazing my fingers when I reach for something, asking me to wipe some something off his face, telling me I have the greatest laugh, or always joking about helping me up if I fall because I’m super clumsy. He’ll pass me in the hallway and smile or do something silly to make me laugh. He always agrees with me and backs me up in group settings if someone else tries to debate with me. Just this past week, he told another female coworker my shirt was pretty then later told me in person. We’ve exchanged birthday and Christmas presents, so in my mind we’re friends.
BUT he has a tendency to run hot and cold. He’ll have days where he ignores me or avoids me all together. We also don’t communicate outside of work and haven’t connected on social media, but he does with several other people. There’s another lady at work he’s super close with as well as her husband. She and I are friends too, and she’s even noted his weird behavior around me. Last week we were great, this week we’re passing each other in the hall with him giving me sad eyes like I hurt his feelings, with him barely whispering “hey, Meg”
On one instance his wishy washy behavior hurt me badly. My young son was having a rather serious surgery that required an overnight stay, and, I, like any mother was a nervous wreck. Everyone knew my sanity was hanging by a thread as the surgery date grew close. He and I had talked and he was very nice about it, offering to help in any way needed. My co-workers got together to make a care package for my son and asked if I could bring him by so they could give it to him in person. While we were there, he blatantly avoided me and my son and never reached out to check on us during the surgery. He did ask when I came back into the office, but I was still hurt by his actions. Who does that? Does he have feelings for me that he’s in denial about? I’ve wracked my brain about what could possibly be going on. We’ve never had a disagreement. I’m always very nice to him and everyone else, so that can’t be it. I’ve seen him reach out to others when they’re going through a rough time, so what stopped him from doing the same with me, someone he is supposedly “good friends” with. Any insight on what couple be going on? Am I dealing with a shy guy? A guy in denial? I’m clueless.
Hey Meg,
I think he may actually be a bit clueless as to his own actions. It sounds like he does like you, but when he shows it a bit too much, he freaks out and pulls back. But at the same time he doesnt want to lose that fun thing he has with you, so he always comes back around. The fact he didnt really check in on you and your son sounds like its from him not wanting to show that hes ‘too serious’ about you (in a dumb man kind of way). I think he may also be confused at his own feelings. For example he may like you, but something might be preventing him to want to take it any further. And for whatever reason, some days he may not care and go further anyways (like with hand touches.) You could try calling him out a little and talk to him about it, or try and get more information from him of any reason he could be holding back from you. Best of luck!
When or how do you know if he wants sex and only sex or something way further?
I’m gay.I love this guy that’s bisexual and he keeps touching my hand and shoulders. He always goes out of his way to sit down next to me, and he ALWAYS messes up he words. Yet I can’t tell if he’s coming on to me, or being nice. Do I make the first move or do I wait?