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Are you dating a shy guy and having trouble getting to know him? Or maybe you’ve heard shy guys are a catch and you’re having trouble seeing the appeal? It's all good.
What are the things you should know about dating a shy guy?
1. He Wants To Be Out Of His Shell.
2. He Wants To Be Vulnerable.
3. He Can Share A Comfortable Silence.
4. He Needs Communication.
5. He Wants Your Family To Like Him.
6. There’s Something He’s Confident About.
7. He’s Loyal.
8. He’s The Best Listener.
9. He’s A Romantic.
10. He’s Great In Bed.
He’s probably very hard to get to know or doesn’t communicate very well.
But the secret is out — he’s one hundred percent a keeper.
It’s possible for a quiet, closed off guy to be just as creepy or messed up as the loud and obnoxious guys…
However, there’s some amazing qualities he’ll bring to the relationship if he’s kind.
If he treats you right, he’s one of the good ones. He’s a treasure trove of underappreciated character.
Here are the ten things in detail he wants you to know, but may not be able to tell you just yet:
1. He Wants To Be Out Of His Shell
He probably doesn’t talk as much as you’d like him to, and maybe that makes you nervous.
You might worry that he doesn’t have any emotions, is dumb, or is too angry to talk to you.
None of these are true, and there’s likely many different reasons why a man will talk very little.
It’s possible he’s insecure and doesn’t want you to judge him by his words.
He might just like to be alone with his thoughts. Maybe he just needs time to think before he speaks.
It’s likely he’s an introvert, a person who recharges their energy by being alone.
If that’s the case, he just won’t say things that he doesn’t think are necessary. He’d rather spend his energy in other ways that foster intimacy.
But you should know, he wants to be able to talk to you more. Communication is actually important to him.
He knows it breeds intimacy. The trick for him is finding the right circumstances to be able to do that.
Figuring out why he’s shy or quiet will go a long way to helping you understand him and communicate better.
Building off the following tips should give you some insight.
No matter the reason, being shy usually indicates a bunch of general qualities that make for an amazing partner.
2. He Wants To Be Vulnerable
You’ve probably noticed he may have trouble talking about his feelings, even if he’s comfortable talking around you in general.
Comes with the territory with dating a shy guy…
Many times, shy men have trouble expressing their emotions because they’re scared that they don’t fit the mold of traditional manhood.
Likewise, they may have been trained to think that men don’t talk about their feelings.
Because of this, they’ve never been able to trust people with their emotions…
But shy men are usually very emotional. Their observant and empathetic nature often gives them a wide range of emotions that they just don’t know how to express.
He wants to be vulnerable with you. He wants to talk about his emotions. He wants to be emotionally intimate with you.
He might just need time. To make him feel more comfortable opening up, try these tips:
1. Share about your feelings and emotions first. Being vulnerable will signal it’s OK and that you want him to do the same.
2. While you’re talking about emotions, softly touch his arm, shoulder, or leg. Hold his hand or lay your head against his shoulder. He’ll start to associate vulnerability with your pleasant touch.
3. Talk about difficult subjects while driving or on a walk. Men are more likely to talk when they’re not face to face with another person.
4. Give him time to process. Don’t expect an answer immediately, but let him know you’re willing to talk whenever he’s ready.
5. Figure out his love language (I write about the 5 love languages here). Show him affection before you start talking about difficult subjects. This will “prime the pump.”
3. He Can Share A Comfortable Silence
Your guy probably needs some time to recharge. This is especially true if he was at a large gathering or around people who talked a lot.
There’s nothing wrong with this, it’s just the way he is. It’s what enables him to be a great listener, among other things.
He wants you to know that he enjoys a comfortable silence.
He probably has a romanticized view of an older couple sitting in silence as they merely enjoy each other’s presence.
He knows silence can be intimate. Silence can be sexy. He wants you to be able to enjoy that with him.
Read his body language (I write about reading male body language here). He’s probably not angry. He might just be tired, or thinking through something in his head.
Maybe he’s just zoning out…
You can ask him if he wants to talk about anything, but learn to enjoy long periods of silence with him.
If you’re not used to this, it’s a perfect time for you to daydream about your relationship and other fantasies.
4. He Needs Communication
If you’re dating a shy guy, it’s important to know that he needs communication, even if he doesn’t give it himself.
He wants to know when you like something, so he can keep doing it. He wants to know, gently, when you don’t like something so he can stop doing it.
Sometimes not knowing can cause anxiety and indecision.
He wants to be attentive to your needs but doesn’t know how to ask what those needs are.
While he might not always be quick to speak, he needs you to set clear expectations.
He also needs to know when you appreciate what he’s doing, whether it’s cooking, cleaning, something in bed, or just being present.
This might seem a little high-maintenance, but we all have things we require of the other person in a relationship.
As you grow in the relationship, he will learn to communicate better.
For the relatively small effort of communicating what you want and need, you’ll get a loving, romantic, loyal guy who just wants to make you happy.
5. He Wants Your Family To Like Him
Your family may have a hard time getting to know him because he’s shy. This will be especially true if one or both of your parents is shy as well.
They might be intimidating to him, or he may not know how to relate to him.
If he doesn’t like attention or recognition, it might be difficult for him to talk about himself and any of his achievements.
He really doesn’t want to come off as a deadbeat, though.
He just doesn’t know how to show off…
But because he cares about you, he wants your family to like him. It might take time, but they will get to know each other.
You can help by talking positively about him to your family. If they know you respect him, they will be more open to him.
Don’t pressure him to open up, but when he does, make sure everyone is listening.
If he thinks he’s being ignored for the more vocal members of the family, he will think there’s no point in trying.
Introduce him to your family one or two at a time before you attend large family gatherings.
If he gets to know your family individually first, he’ll feel more comfortable during the large get-togethers.
Tell him what you love about your family before he meets them and give him some talking points they may have in common.
Eventually he’ll be part of the family, and they will appreciate him as much as you do.
6. There’s Something He’s Confident About
It’s likely your shy boy doesn’t seem interested or confident about a lot of things.
Truth is, he might value his integrity. If he doesn’t know enough to have an opinion, he won’t share one.
He might also be afraid that other people think his interests are stupid, feminine, boring, or childish…
But there is at least one thing he’s confident about. Are you dating a shy guy with hidden confidence?
If you can figure out what it is, and he trusts you enough, he can talk about it for hours.
It’s likely he’s an expert in at least one subject.
It may be something you’ve always thought boring: model airplanes, nerd culture, building hot rods, or the differences between African and European swallows.
It doesn’t matter, if you care about him, you should be able to find something interesting about it.
Relationships are about sharing interests, after all.
Find what he’s interested in, get a little bit of knowledge about it, and you can go from there.
Whether he has a lot of interests, or just a few, help him build up his confidence in one area, and it will start to show through in others.
7. He’s Loyal
Once you establish a connection with this man and you trust each other, he will be loyal to you forever.
He will value the relationship you two have built together, and he probably thinks it will be difficult to find someone who appreciates him like you do.
If he has good self-esteem, he will also realize he’s a catch, and feel secure in your relationship.
He knows that trust is hard to come by, so not only will he not break it, he will hold you to a high standard of loyalty.
It would be difficult to do something that could break that loyalty, but once you do, it’s gone forever…
He will be there to support you through any life challenge — cancer, job loss, death of a family member — he will be a strong partner through all of these.
However, if you break his trust by cheating, demeaning him, or lying to him, he will cut you off for good.
You will have broken the trust he values so much and you will have lost the best thing to ever happen to you.
8. He’s The Best Listener
Did you already notice? He's an amazing listener.
Most men just want to give advice, hear themselves talk, or think about how you’re wrong and they’re right…
Shy men, however, are genuinely interested in just listening to you.
If you’re seeking a partner who will be OK with you venting sometimes, dating a shy man is a great option.
Because he doesn’t often say much, he’ll make the best listener. He may even be one of those guys who listens without needing to give advice!
Though if you want advice, his rich experiences and interior life probably ensures he’ll say exactly the right thing for the situation.
Shy guys are great at making you feel better!
Just be sure that when he does talk, you’re doing him the honor of listening back. He will occasionally need to vent, as well.
As your communication, trust, and overall relationship grows, it’s likely he’ll be able to read your emotions very well.
He might even begin to learn how to help you before you even know what you need.
This is the power of investing in a relationship with a quiet man in tune with himself and with you.
9. He’s A Romantic
The man you’re dating is probably one of the most romantic guys you’ll meet. Or, he at least has the potential.
Your guy’s romantic spirit comes from being in touch with his feelings and sitting with his thoughts.
He has probably been underappreciated in relationships, and this has caused him to hardworking in a relationship.
Because he holds such a high regard for you, he’ll want to dote on you and probably spoil you.
By working to understand him, he’ll feel valued and want to return that feeling.
One of the best benefits of this? He’ll understand the value of foreplay and may build it up over the course of an entire week.
Not only will this make for an extremely intimate relationship, it’ll make for a great sex life!
10. He’s Great In Bed
Because he’s so attentive to you, he’ll be great in bed. He’ll want you to enjoy it and to take care of your needs.
Because the foreplay is so good, you’ll have the most passionate time between the sheets. That is one area he will not be shy once you reach that point.
He might still want sex for sex’s sake at times, but he’ll also understand the intimacy and unifying power of sex.
He might be apprehensive to learn new things in bed, but he’ll probably try them out if you’re interested.
Once he learns how to things, he’ll be the master of the bedroom.
Appreciate The Shyness In Him
If you are dating a shy guy, he may seem like a bit more work. But he’s worth keeping around for the quality man he is!
You’ll come to appreciate his way of seeing the world, his devotion to you, and his calming presence.
And over time, it’s likely he’ll grow more confident, comfortable, and outgoing.
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