THIS POST MAY CONTAIN AFFILIATE LINKS. PLEASE READ MY DISCLOSURE FOR MORE INFO.
Dating a cougar is becoming increasingly common as younger men expand their definition of what’s attractive and the idea of age gaps become more acceptable.
If you’re looking to date a cougar locally near you, I’d suggest creating a free profile on Older Women Dating (read my full review here). It’s the best cougar/cub dating platform I could find currently available.
What are the things you should know about dating a cougar?
1. Age Is Just A Number.
2. Don’t Deny She Looks Older.
3. Money Is Important To Her.
4. She Still Loves Sex.
5. She Wants Refined Dates.
6. You Don’t Need To Be Weird Around Her Family.
7. She’ll Know If You’re Embarrassed.
8. She Doesn’t Want Your Drama.
9. She Knows You Might Grow Apart.
10. She Wants Respect.
She likes you for who you are, but knowing these tips will give you the advantage and prevent you from making critical mistakes while making her putty in your hands.
Here are the above ten things laid out in detail that she wants you to know:
1. Age Is Just A Number
Everybody is going to realize that she’s older than you — no matter how good she looks, there’s no hiding it.
But she wants you to know that you don’t have to make a big deal about her age.
You may be the same age as some of her children, but it’s not something you have to go out of your way to talk about.
There’s something about you that she finds attractive and it sets you apart from all the other men your age.
Her age is important — it highlights the many experiences she’s had in life, the hard work she’s put forth, and the wisdom she now possesses.
But it doesn’t mean it’s something you need to talk about. Let her bring it up.
What’s more important is how she feels and acts. Does she take care of her body and mind?
Is she joyful and positive, or crotchety and grumpy? Does she have a sense of humor and a “youthful energy” despite her age?
If she’s acting old at heart, help her reclaim some of her youth and she’ll secretly thank you.
After all, we all want to feel vibrant.
It’s likely you’ll bring that out in her just by being yourself, and that’s one of the things she enjoys about you.
If she’s already blessed with a youthful energy, make sure you’re complimenting her on it. Point out her sense of humor.
Mention you really appreciate how well she takes care of her mind and body.
Not only will this bolster her self-esteem and her confidence, but it will show her that you don’t care about her age.
2. Don’t Deny She Looks Older
When you’re dating a cougar, don’t try to deny she looks older. Don’t lie to her and say she looks like she’s in her 20’s or 30’s.
Women sometimes think they want to be lied to about those things, but while you may avoid a fight in the short term, it almost never works out in the long run.
When she knows you’re lying to her to make her feel better, even if she thinks she wants you to, there’s an unconscious process that occurs which actually hurts her self-esteem.
She should love herself and the skin she’s in, and you can help.
Even if she’s taken great care of her skin, she’s still showing signs of age.
The best thing you can do for her is help her embrace it and take as much joy as possible in the changes her body is going through.
Tell her she looks good because of her age. You love her eyes (those never really get older), and her wrinkles, and the way she does her hair.
If you’re dating her, you must love something about the way she looks. Make sure you’re telling her!
Now, if someone comments on how great she looks for her age, you can whole-heartedly agree!
But treat her imperfections like you would a person of your own age — they are unique to her and enhance her unique beauty, rather than detract from it.
3. Money Is Important To Her
She’s worked her whole life to get where she is, and poor spending habits are going to make you seem reckless or apathetic.
Usually your youth would be a positive aspect in your relationship.
But you don’t want to come off as immature…
If you’re impulsive with your money or spending habits, it’s going to bother her. The good news is, this is something you can change and isn’t part of your core identity.
It’s something all adults have to improve at some point in their lives.
If your money situation is not in order, show that you’re actively working on it. If you do have your finances in order, make sure you’re able to demonstrate that.
In casual or non-committed dating relationships, this isn’t going to be the most important aspect.
If you’re getting into a more serious relationship with her though, it’ll be something you have to consider.
4. She Still Loves Sex
We all have different sex drives, but old age hasn’t diminished hers.
If you’re dating a cougar, it’s important to know that her age and experience has taught her a trick or two in the bedroom and she knows what she likes and what she doesn’t.
Be open to learning from her and listen to what she likes. A lot of studies show that women’s sex drives actually increase as they get older, and it’s likely that her hormones have finally leveled off.
While her sex drive is her own, she won’t suffer the fatigue that older men do.
If she does have a higher sex drive, this is one area where you can use your youth to its maximum effectiveness. Just be sure not to make it all about you.
5. She Wants Refined Dates
She’s past the point in her life where she wants her dates to be clubbing, bar hopping, and raves.
That’s not to say she doesn’t want to have fun or try new things on a date.
But typical “young people dates” are probably beneath her.
Whether or not she has the energy for it, it’s just not the way she’s looking to connect with people and enjoy herself.
She’s fine with a romantic dinner or a night in. She may even love a beach date, a hike in the woods, or a fast motorcycle ride along a country road.
In many ways you’ll have to step up your game in way you wouldn’t if you were dating a younger woman.
So, if you’re the type of guy who loves to do these things, what can you do? It’s important to remember she likes you for who you are.
She’ll probably be okay with occasionally doing these types of dates. That’s what a relationship is all about, after all.
It’s also important to keep your own hobbies and interests while you’re in a relationship.
So, while she may not always join you, keep doing these things (just don’t do anything stupid).
It’s likely that she realizes doing these things keeps you young, which is one of things she loves about you!
6. You Don’t Need To Be Weird Around Her Family
I know she’s a lot older than you, but it’s crucially important to not be weird around her family.
If you are awkward about drawing attention to the difference in your ages, it’s going to come off, at the very least, as lacking confidence.
You’re dating a cougar, guy. Get over it.
Instead of acting like a parent to her kids, act like a peer or friend. It’s fine to have that type of relationship with them and you’ll come off as much more likable.
Around the other older members of her family, act your age and like yourself, but confidently.
If she has grand kids who ask you about the age difference, just tell them some of the things you like about her and that her age is one of them.
You don’t need to ignore the difference, but going out of your way to acknowledge it’s there is going to come off as immature, petty, or even that you’re embarrassed by it.
7. She’ll Know If You’re Embarrassed
It’s important to be confident, especially around her, because she’ll know if you’re embarrassed or overly sensitive about the age gap.
I’m sure you genuinely like her for many reasons — cougars have a lot to offer — but that doesn’t mean you don’t have some misgivings about her age.
One of the primary issues you might have is what other people think. And that is actually the biggest problem…
If you’re worried about what other people think, she might take that personally.
It’s OK to having some misgivings or insecurities; it happens in every relationship. She might also have the same insecurities.
If you’re able to ignore them or rationalize why they’re unreasonable, that’s often the best thing to do.
If you just can’t shake them, try talking to her about them honestly and humbly.
Tell her you’re sorry but you’re worried she thinks you’re too young for her and you don’t want to be an embarrassment to her.
This will probably appear as fishing for compliments, but sometimes you just have to risk being vulnerable in a relationship.
What you don’t want to do is act like a jerk to her in public.
Giving her the cold shoulder, being snappy, rolling your eyes at her, hiding her from your friends, or pretending like you’re “just friends” are all things people do when they’re embarrassed by their date.
Don’t be that guy. Either ignore it, talk about it, or break up because you obviously can’t handle everything she has to offer.
8. She Doesn’t Want Your Drama
You’re dating a cougar and this woman is not your mother. She doesn’t want to deal with all your young person problems — to an extent, at least.
Sure, relationships and dating are all about supporting each other and helping each other through difficult or burdensome times.
It’s often in these times that we get to know each other the best and connect with a deeper intimacy.
But if you’re so immature as to need her to do the emotional heavy lifting and help you find yourself, it’s only going to remind her how young and different you are — in a bad way.
You need to have an emotional maturity and ability to deal with most of your own problems. This is good advice for any relationship.
You shouldn’t be co-dependent, nor should you be entirely closed off from each other’s problems.
This is even more important, though, for a woman who has had a significant amount of time to develop emotional maturity.
9. She Knows You Might Grow Apart
You two are obviously at different places in life. And while she’s attracted to you for who you are, unless you’re an “old soul,” it’s going to be hard to connect with each other on some level.
It might be hard for you to relate to certain elements of her life.
You have different interests, and if you pursue only those interests, your dating life isn’t going to last very long.
To make sure you two stay connected, make sure you’re sharing interests, experiences, and communication while also maintaining your own core identities.
10. She Wants Respect
The fact that you’re dating a cougar already means you should have no problem respecting the authority, experience, and wisdom she’s gathered over the years.
She’ll likely want to “wear the pants” in the relationship, and it’s best if you let her and enjoy the ride.
Being in this relationship most likely means you’re already fine subverting typical relationship roles.
She probably has some strong, independent, and influential qualities about her, among the other things you’re attracted to.
This also means that she probably asserts a considerable amount of will in the relationship, and since she knows what she wants, she has no issue telling you.
Still, be open to the fact that you have a lot you can teach her and be confident in those aspects. She’ll appreciate what you have to offer.
And in the bedroom, of course, all bets are off.
The best thing you can do is be yourself, but remember that these are all the things she wants you to know.
Keeping them in mind will give you a huge advantage in snagging and keeping that cougar.
**Again, if you’re looking to date a cougar locally near you, create a free profile on Older Women Dating (read my full review here).