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There’s lots of total crap out there about what makes an alpha male, but when you cut out all the lies, being an alpha male comes down to one simple concept: being a leader.
An alpha male works with the surrounding people to make everyone better and get results!
Are you asking “am I an alpha male?” Use this 11-point checklist the “gurus” would never understand:
1. True Connector
The alpha male has the “gift of gab.” He is outgoing and people love to be around him.
Through his ability to carry on a conversation and connect with other people, he makes each person feel like a valuable part of his team, even if the team is just a social network.
He makes introductions regularly because he knows how valuable networking is.
Not only does he make connections for himself, but for others, as well.
This ensures that people willingly offer favors and services to him if he needs them.
But unlike popular branding would have you believe, he’s not just all about being extroverted.
Sure, he can be the life of the party, but he is also able to make introverts feel welcome by having personable and deeper conversations.
An alpha knows the values of different types of relationships and connections.
He doesn’t throw his words around carelessly. Doing so may damage his carefully curated reputation.
In his core, he knows that his opinion is valuable and what he says carries weight.
While the alpha male can joke and have fun, he’s careful not to say anything that could get him or others in trouble. Such things could get him ostracized from the pack.
2. Silently Confident
If you’re asking yourself, “am I an alpha male,” you should also ask “do I speak softly and carry a big stick?” This phrase perfectly sums up the confidence that an alpha male possesses.
It’s a confidence that’s not loud, bragging, or showy like popular culture thinks alpha males should have.
The true power of confidence is knowing how to wield it and when to show it.
Doing so will make people flock to the alpha male and follow him because rather than being pushed upon them, his confidence radiates to them.
Braggarts only have confidence on the surface, which is why they show off. A real alpha male feels confidence to deep down.
That doesn’t mean he doesn’t occasionally doubt himself, but he knows how to deal with it and only lets his doubts show at calculated moments.
An alpha male is confident in his strength and in his ability to get stuff done.
He knows he’s a good leader and naturally builds confidence in other people. It’s contagious.
While he’s not ignorant of his weaknesses, he knows they won’t be a problem — he’ll either overcome them himself or he knows the right people for the job.
He always stands up for himself and others. That’s where the “big stic”k comes in.
Disrespect him or people in his care and you’ll feel his righteous wrath…
3. Street Smart
The alpha male isn’t a boring person. People want to talk to him because he’s experienced a lot.
He goes out and does things for the sake of experiencing them.
He’s well-traveled and maybe speaks an extra language or two. This expands his worldview, his network, and adds intrigue to his story at every turn.
He’s gone through life by getting his hands dirty, and it has been the challenging moments in his life that have taught him the most.
The alpha male is not afraid of new or challenging experiences, because he knows how to learn from and capitalize on them.
He always has a story to tell the extroverts and interesting facts to deliver the introverts.
Popular culture depicts street smarts as coming from a life in the slums, dodging gangs and dominating the weak.
But that’s not what I'm talking about here…
While the alpha male could come from this setting, real street smarts are more about the ability to learn from experience and adapting to any challenge that might come your way.
4. High EQ
When you’re wondering if you’re an alpha male, one thing you have to take into consideration is how in tune you are to emotions.
While those alpha male “gurus” will insist that emotions are weak, for women or “betas,” and that real men never show emotion, that’s just completely illogical…
Only people who are scared of their emotions feel that way. Emotions are powerful and one of the best and easiest way to lead and inspire people to get the results you’re looking for.
An alpha male is in tune with and in control of his emotions.
This type of man doesn’t fear or belittle emotions because he knows how powerful they are.
He knows how to help people process and control their emotions so they are not hindered by them.
There is an innate adeptness at harnessing and channeling emotions in other people so they can use them for the best outcome.
Being emotionally intelligent, he can show emotion, but also realizes when doing so would be inappropriate or not in his best interest.
At his best, he never uses emotional manipulation to abuse others or get them to violate their values.
5. Boldly Decisive
Because he is so confident, the alpha male is empowered to be assertive and decisive.
He knows how to make decisions, make them quickly, and knows he can adapt to the outcomes, even if something happens he didn’t expect.
People naturally love being around him because he makes following him easy, and he doesn’t waste their time waiting to make a decision.
Even if he second guesses himself, he never shows that to other people. He knows his decisions are important and doesn’t take them lightly.
This isn’t to say he makes decisions rashly or without thinking. He knows his decisions could have huge consequences and he feels the weight of them.
But because he’s confident in his abilities and has cultivated a wide network of people to advise him, he knows he can trust his gut.
6. Physically Fit
If you have to ask yourself “am I an alpha male,” you also need to ask yourself how physically fit you are.
Not only is being physically healthy a matter of self-respect, it communicates to others that you know your value and it keeps you productive.
Alpha “gurus” would have you believe that all alpha males are huge muscle men who can lift 800 pounds and spend all day at the gym. This simple isn’t true.
Physical health takes many forms, and it’s really just about eating right and exercising.
You do not have to be physically intimidating to be an alpha male. Often that means you’re just compensating for lack of confidence.
You just need to value your health and realize that it allows you to live the fullest, most productive life possible.
7. Financially Secure
Alpha males are financially secure people, or at least have a good financial mindset.
Money is one of the most important things you can do to secure your future and provide a foundation you need for success and being productive.
An alpha male removes money as a risk factor and instead capitalizes on it as an opportunity. He invests in meaningful endeavors that can increase his influence or his network.
Even if he occasionally loses money in these (it can be OK to lose money), it’s not a big deal because he invested from his excess.
He also knows being generous with his money can be a great way to cultivate his image, foster loyalty, and show gratitude.
The alpha isn't frivolous with his generosity, but isn't stingy with it either.
8. Sharp Appearance
Look at what you’re wearing. How do you look? More importantly, how does your appearance make you feel?
The alpha male knows that part of personal branding is how you dress and carry yourself. This is also part of self-respect and showing that silent confidence.
I'm personally into The Menlo Club (you can check them out here). I get a box every month in the mail with clothes that make me look and feel awesome. Find your style.
Dressing appropriately for the occasion, whether it’s a business meeting, a date, or a day at the beach, show’s that you respect yourself and those around you.
Your hair is done, your nails are clean (preferably manicured), you smell good, and you carry yourself with confidence.
Don’t let people tell you that caring about your appearance is vain or feminine. If you want to be taken seriously, you have to present yourself properly.
Why would people listen to you if they don’t think you care about yourself? Check out my full article on grooming tips for men here.
Ideally, people would be able to recognize your personal style and maybe have even started copying elements of it.
This is how you know you’re an influencer and a person people want to follow, but never something you need to force.
9. Curated Life
An alpha male knows that reputation is important and is careful to cultivate his public life to enhance his reputation.
He maintains an excellent public image and all his moves are intentional.
Much of this curated life flows naturally from the previous points. The alpha male respects others.
He carries himself confidently and dresses sharp. The gift of gab easily demonstrates his “street smarts.”
If you’re doing all those things, this check point should come naturally! Be careful, though…
Many people think the alpha male shouldn’t care at all what people think.
“It’s OK to be domineering and forceful,” they say, “so people will do what you want regardless of what they think of you. If they fear you, you’ll have power.”
Sure, there are some half-truths to this…
But not only does it make you an ass, when push comes to shove, the feared leader will be left alone while the true alpha male will be followed into “battle.”
Curate a life that gives you love and respect, not fear.
10. Resource Provider
You're probably an alpha male if you’re a go-to person for knowledge and other essential resources.
Alpha males are knowledgeable in their fields, and at the very least have working knowledge of other fields.
Knowledge is power; an alpha male understands that.
He may not be the smartest person in the room, but he’s learned how to acquire and use knowledge.
There’s an easy acceptance that some people know more than he does about certain things, but he’ll feel empowered rather than belittled by it.
If he doesn’t have an answer or a resource, his vast network of contacts and gift of gab will ensure that he can find it in a timely manner.
People know they can rely on him as a “one stop shop” for anything they might need whether it’s knowledge, business contacts, or advice.
What most of these check points come down to is respect.
Above all, an alpha male respects himself. He also respects other people, no matter their demographic.
Sure, he does this because it helps cultivate his image and it helps him drive other people to greatness and productivity.
But hopefully he respects people because he’s dedicated to becoming a better person and bringing out the best in other people.
The alpha male doesn’t demand respect, because he doesn’t need to. He earns it by the mere fact that he exists as an alpha male.
The respect he gives to himself and others makes other people want to respect him. They can’t help it.
However, if someone disrespects him or someone under his care, he makes sure they will NEVER do so again.
The alpha male may speak softly, but he is not afraid of using justified anger when the situation calls for it.
He’s fine with toxic people “fearing” him, because he knows their opinion doesn’t matter.
The Gurus Are Mostly Beta Males
Don’t let popular culture or “gurus” who are trying to make a quick dollar fool you.
There’s a lot that goes into being an alpha male, and it’s not all about being cool. Many guys are just pretending to be alpha males, and are really just compensating for a lack of confidence.
It’s not about being strong, or domineering, or demanding respect. It’s about treating yourself and other with dignity and being the example of “the best” in mind, body, and spirit.
If you check off all of these, you can stop asking yourself “am I an alpha male.”
I'd say you're in the club.