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Whether you’re dating to gain experience or just to have fun, dating is often very much like a game. You usually go through many guys before you find the right one. Before I get into the ten signs you’re dating the wrong guy below, please understand that there may be clear signs in a relationship that we ignore because we’re too focused on winning the game rather than simply playing the game.
Whether you see these 10 signs clearly yourself, or have been ignoring them, these are all signs you should move on to the next guy free of guilt. Maybe the next one will be the one.
1. You’re Together For The Wrong Reasons
Sometimes we stay with people for the wrong reasons, even if we don’t realize we’re doing it or what those reasons are.
Some of the following reasons are wrong if they’re the only reason you’re together.
You Think You Should Be Together.
If you’ve come to think this person is your soulmate, you’ve been reading signs, or just want him to be the one, it doesn’t mean he IS the one for you.
If you can’t come up with tangible reasons why you want to be together, you’re just fooling yourself.
You Grew Up Together.
Maybe you grew up together and everyone else just thinks you should be together. Maybe it’s just always been assumed, and other people think you’re perfect for each other.
But people change. Neither of you are who you were when you were growing up, so maybe it’s time to look for other options!
Your Parents Set You Up.
No one wants to upset their parents, but sometimes that fear allows them too much control over your love life.
Maybe you come from a culture that traditionally sets up parents. If you’re OK with that, then you’ll learn to love your future husband.
But in general, don’t let other people’s expectations dictate your life. If you don’t want to be together, find someone you’re excited to be with.
Your parents should understand, or they don’t deserve you as their daughter.
You’re Too Afraid To Be Alone.
Sometimes we stay with a person because we think they’re our last shot.
Sometimes we’ve become so accustomed to the way things are in a relationship, we can’t imagine life without them, even if we know it would be better.
Being alone and happy is scarier than attached and unhappy.
If you can’t imagine your life without a person, that can be fine as long as you have good reason to feel that way. Make sure fear isn’t keeping you from your future “Mr. Right.”
2. He Doesn’t Respond To You
When we’re with the right person and excited about the relationship, we want to talk and engage with our partner.
When you put a relationship before your work, other family, and at times yourself, a byproduct is good communication.
One sign you’re dating the wrong guy is when he consistently fails to put communication with you before his other needs.
If he goes long periods without talking to you, doesn’t return your texts, or won’t call you or carry on a conversation with you, he’s either lost interest or isn’t good for you.
This isn’t to say he won’t make mistakes and there will be times when he just doesn’t feel like talking.
But if you find yourself frequently frustrated for his failure to talk to you, he’s not the right guy for you.
3. You Find Him Annoying
Every person has quirks and habits that are at least mildly annoying in a relationship. Usually when we want to be with someone and love them, these become easy to overlook.
If he has something that just drives you so crazy you can’t stand to be around him, he’s probably the wrong guy.
This means he has a “deal breaker” habit that will make you basically incompatible with each other, or you don’t actually want to be with him anymore.
If you did, you’d embrace his quirks.
4. You Have Different Goals In Life
Couples do need to maintain some different goals in life, such as for their careers or personal development.
However, there are times when goals can be so disparate that it almost guarantees the relationship won’t last. In such cases, it’s better to end it sooner rather than later.
Usually, these goals are things that go to the core of who you are as a person, but effect both of you. Maybe you want kids and he doesn’t. You want to work, but he thinks you should stay home.
You want a nice city condo where you can experience life. He wants a simple country home where he doesn’t have to be around other people.
These can be incompatible life goals. It’s perfectly reasonable to not sacrifice these for the sake of the relationship.
Make sure you talk about these things relatively early in the relationship, and if you can’t compromise, move on.
5. You Don’t See It Going Anywhere
Sure, some relationships may be flings and just for fun. Maybe you don’t even know what you want out of relationships at the moment.
But if you do know what you want, a relationship should be going there.
If you’re ready to start looking for a serious, committed relationship, you should be approaching your dates with that attitude. No more wasting time fooling around.
After three months, you should be able to tell where this relationship is going.
If you don’t know where the relationship is headed, and your boyfriend won’t have that talk, don’t waste your time.
This doesn’t mean you have to know you’re going to marry the guy after three months, just that he’s actually marriage/father/long-term potential.
6. There’s No Chemistry
Granted, relationships aren’t all about the spark, they are about commitment and friendship, as well.
Good relationships can last months, or even years, without chemistry if the couple has worked hard to build commitment, connection, and love.
One way you can identify signs you’re dating the wrong guy is if you never find chemistry with him, or if you run out of it in the first few months of a relationship.
If there’s no desire for sex, little to no physical attraction, and no intellectual stimulation when you talk to each other, it’s a bad sign.
If you lost chemistry this early, it’s unlikely you’ll find it again later.
Identify your reason to commit to the guy or stick around, or find someone else who gives you sparks and to whom you can commit!
7. Seeing Him Is A Chore
When you want to be with someone, seeing them is enjoyable. At best, you can’t wait until you get to see them again and you want to spend as much time with them as possible.
Maybe you’re more of an independent person, and that’s fine. But you should be with a guy who you enjoy spending time with.
So if seeing him seems like an obligation, something you feel like you have to do just because you’re in a relationship, or if you have to convince yourself into seeing, it’s a sign that this isn’t the right guy for you.
Some signs you’re not that in to seeing him are as follows:
You’re Always Finding An Excuse Not To See Him.
If you’re always coming down sick, finding a family emergency, or coming up with a friend that needs help, it’s a clear sign that you don’t want to see him.
You’re relying on excuses to cancel on him or find options that you think are better.
You may be coming up with these last-minute obligations subconsciously, or you may realize on some level that you just don’t want to see this guy.
Either way, keep this up and he’ll get the hint that you’re not that into him. If you’re trying to get him to break up with you, this might be the way to do it.
Or you could just break it off yourself.
You Make Yourself Too Busy.
If you’re constantly taking on new projects around the house, volunteering, working long hours, or scheduling hangouts with other friends, you’re probably making yourself too busy to hang out with your man.
When you enjoy being with someone, you clear your schedule for them, not add to it.
If you’re always too busy to go out, consider if you need to be that busy or if you would clear your schedule if your “dream guy” was asking you out.
You Wait Until The Last Minute Get Ready.
When you like a guy, you probably spend a bit of time getting ready and you want to look your best.
If you don’t want to see the guy, but are in denial, you probably wait until the possible minute to get ready.
Likewise, you probably don’t pull out all your usual stops when it comes to makeup and getting dressed.
You don’t really care if you impress him, and you don’t think he’s worth the effort, so why waste the time? If you notice yourself doing this, it’s probably time to ditch the guy.
He Always Initiates Dates.
If he’s always the one calling you for dates, planning them, or seeing if you want to go out, without you doing the same for him, it’s a clear sign you don’t really enjoy seeing him.
He should be pursuing you in the beginning. But after the three-month mark, these tasks should start to balance out between you two.
Eventually he’ll pick up on this, but it’d be better to save both your time and realize you shouldn’t be with him anymore.
8. Your Friends And Family Don’t Like Him
One of the signs you’re dating the wrong guy is if your friends and family don’t like him.
Sure, they may not always be the best judge of character, but they generally want the best for you and will be on the lookout for anyone who may hurt you.
If your friends and family are generally horrible people who don’t even like themselves, then disregard this.
But, in general, if your friends and family are good people and you trust their judgment, and they don’t like the guy you’re dating, he’s probably the wrong guy.
If they have good reason to dislike him, you should probably trust them.
9. He’s Got Red-Flag Character Flaws
If your man is consistently showing he has some “red-flag” habits, he’s definitely wrong for you.
The following are some of the less obvious character flaws that can doom a relationship, and which will show you he’s not “Mr. Right:”
If he cheats on you, even just emotionally, he’s not the right guy for you.
It might be different if you’re already married, but even then, you’ll really need to consider if you made the right decision marrying him and if he can become the right guy for you.
Even the best relationships may include the occasional white lie between partners. This isn’t necessarily healthy, but it’s not on the same level as lying a lot and about serious things.
If he’s a habitual liar, dump him. He’s not the right man for anyone.
Secret-Keeping/Lack Of Trust.
Relationships are built on trust, so a lack of it from either party is a sign the relationship is basically over.
Having a couple, well-chosen secrets in a relationship is OK. But if your man is keeping a lot of them, he either doesn’t trust you or you can’t trust him!
Talking About Other Women.
People don’t stop being attracted to others when they get in a serious relationship, and in some cases, it can even be OK or fun to talk about this attraction to your partner.
But there are ways to take it too far…
If he talks about how other women are prettier or more attractive than you, or if he objectifies them in front of you to make you jealous or feel badly about yourself, he’s a jerk and you have to kick him to the curb.
This guy isn’t good for any woman!
If he goes out drinking a lot and comes back drunk, parties like he’s a 20-year-old frat boy, tells crude jokes, prioritizes his guy friends over you, and refuses to get a job, it's one of the signs you're dating the wrong guy.
Find a guy who challenges you to be better, not encourages you to be worse.
10. He Mistreats You
If he’s emotionally or physically abusive, don’t give him a chance to apologize. He won’t change. Leave him because he’s the wrong guy for you.
This includes behaviors like gaslighting, blaming you for his problems, hitting you, and calling you names.
Sometimes it can be hard to recognize the signs that you’re dating the wrong guy. Even if you recognize the signs, it can be hard to follow through and break off the relationship.
But with these ten signs, you don’t have to be afraid. You know he’s not right for you; breaking up with him is going to improve your life!